I sincerely apologize for periodically disappearing and not posting for months. However, I have just recently come to the climax of a long, drawn-out emotional ordeal involving the former love of my life. After my decision to break off our two-year relationship, we stayed close for months, keeping in regular contact and seeing each other often. Unfortunately, now that he has began seeing a new woman, he has seen fit to severe ties with me completely.
Don’t get me wrong, I understand that I was the one who ended things and most likely broke his heart. He had every right to hate me. However, given that things roughly stayed the same regarding our friendship afterwards, I am absolutely crushed to lose such an influential and important person in my life, someone I’d even have gone as far as to consider my family. This sudden change of heart has left me feeling rather alone in this world. To think that someone who truly and intimately knew me could cast me aside and forget me so easily is a staggering blow. Am I so worthless and replaceable?
I found myself close to cutting myself for the first time in years, hating myself for the first time in years. I felt as though I had no true friends left in the world and any new friendship that developed would be transient and someday fade away with similar agony.
But then I remembered that even if I have been abandoned by everyone in my life, I will never again abandon myself. I will love myself. I will continue to fight and to try to make myself the person I know that I am inside. I will be the one to hold myself tight and calm myself down. I will confide in myself and care for my own pain. I will never leave me, and I will always understand.
So if any of you reading this have felt or are feeling the way I have been, I encourage you to be gentle with yourself. Stand up for yourself and when the world turns away, don’t be afraid to stand alone. You are a magnificent and unique soul and you have your own consciousness and desires and passion to live for. You have yourself, and you also have me if you ever need someone to talk to. Don’t ever forget that.
Stay strong, my loves. ❤