Every time I sit down to write, most of the ideas that come up are about what is going wrong in my life. How can I fix myself? Why am I the way that I am? But I don’t want to write about those things. I don’t want to ruminate on my shortcomings and oddities any longer. I get to write my own narrative. I get to create my own story. The story of a desperately anxious young woman that is frozen in place isn’t the one I want to tell.
Sometimes after years of following these kinds of thoughts and description of yourself, it can feel foolish to try to think of yourself in any other light. But it just takes practice. I have had years of telling myself “I’m afraid” or “I can’t.” It is going to take a little while for a new narrative not to feel forced. This new narrative is also true. I just have been choosing not to see these more positive parts of myself.
I may be anxious most of the time, but I don’t want that to define me. I am also resilient. I am strong. I am intelligent. I am creative. I am funny. I am capable. I am loving. I am loved. I don’t have to focus on that fear. There is so much more to me than that. I want to build myself up with the way I talk about myself, not box myself in or tear myself down. There is nothing wrong with me. I am splendid just the way that I am. I can do anything I want to do just the way that I am. I don’t have to wait and hope I change some day. Today is a beautiful day, and I am lucky enough to be here for it. That is all that matters in the end. At least for today, I am going to move from that deep well of gratitude within me.