I’ve been allowing myself to get awfully frazzled and caught up on the little things the past few days. Only my second full week back in the office full time and I’ve already managed to start blaming my anxiety on being too busy. It never ceases to amaze me how quickly and easily I am able to forget that nothing was much different when I had more time at home. I felt just as anxious, perhaps even more so, because there were less distractions. I have trained my brain well. Unfortunately I’ve trained it to always be looking for danger and discomfort.
It feels like I am constantly checking to see if everything is okay. I keep asking myself, “Am I anxious right now? Can I handle this? What does the rest of my day hold that I need to prepare myself for?” I keep waiting and waiting for everything to be perfect as my life passes me by. I keep postponing my own happiness. I keep telling myself, “Not yet, not yet.” Once I get home, once it’s warmer out, once I get vacation time, etc. But even when those things happen, there is always something else that causes me to shift my timetable out farther into the future. This has been going on and on indefinitely for as long as I can remember.
I don’t want today to be just another day I spend looking forward to allowing myself to be happy someday. Today is already a perfectly good day to be happy. There is nothing stopping me besides myself. So here it is, this is me giving myself permission to thoroughly enjoy myself today. No matter what happens. No matter what may go wrong. No matter what chores or errands I have in the future. Today I am just going to focus on today. I am healthy. My body feels good. I am awake and energized. I have every reason to celebrate this amazing life I’ve been given to enjoy. There is no reason good enough to justify withholding your own happiness.