Green Tea Memories

Tea has been a re-occurring theme throughout my tangled life. My mother always preferred drinking tea to coffee. Her nervous nature simply couldn’t handle that much caffeine. Mornings filled with the fragrance of spices and herbs, clinking spoons, and tiny damp disposable bags.

Tea soaked wounds of my first broken heart remind me of moments of reluctant connection. It’s easy to wake up early when you’ve slept for over twenty four hours in the last two days. Dreams can only provide an escape for so long. When even that sanctuary is stolen from you, I learned that peace can be found in the slow ritual of sipping tea before sunrise. The begrudging silence between mother and daughter, the surrender of accepting help from someone you despise. Because you need her, and that hurts in its own strange way.

New love blossoms around a very different tea routine. Evenings after school, every day spent looking forward to this small, private heaven. Boiling water in the microwave and adding too much honey. The laughter we once shared when you finally admitted you couldn’t bear the way my overly sweetened tea made your lips sticky. Flirtatious frustration from the way you used to tease me for blowing on my drink before every sip instead of waiting for it to cool.

The soft haven found beneath the crumbling roof of your mother’s house. Her hovering hospitality of sharing joints with underaged teens, providing refreshments of my first teas made with milk. The strange, yet soothing smoothness of the subtle flavor. Savoring the mouth-watering smells of the best home-cooked dinners I’ve ever had being prepared in the next room.

All these years later, my heart can still rekindle those tender memories involuntarily as I sip my milky matcha. The most delicious ache, a powerful longing for a life that no longer exists. Beautiful lapping waves of private sorrow, never to be seen or shared. How can so much pleasure be found in such pathetic pining? Surely this secret clinging is a sickness, a delusion that corrodes all chance of a future. Even so, even so…


9 thoughts on “Green Tea Memories

      1. Yes, it seems impossible to get a job (especially a decent one) even with a college education. I kinda just assumed I’d be paid better than non-college degree requiring jobs regardless of my degree, but I was sorely mistaken. I could make more at Sheetz than I do as a CHILD ADVOCATE, like yea don’t bother paying someone to have four years of psychology education, continuing education, interview training, and the daily job of helping sexually/physically abused children and their families. After all, what I do does not help the economy. We offer free services. Making sandwiches at Sheetz is definitely more important in the eyes of capitalism.

        Sorry, that was my little rant for the day. Best of luck in your job hunt!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. That’s so ironic.. You’re right companies are so obsessed with profit and the services that contribute to the revenue…. I don’t know how do I find a job. I also lack the skill of networking!…

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I totally understand your issues there. I am not only bad at networking, I feel physically disgusted by it. Makes my skin crawl. It just feels so fake and gross.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. That’s a relatable feeling… I love to connect with people of course…. I do have some connections…. But I don’t know how to connect with someone for profit and interest. It feels somewhat selfish and not real. I’m so drawn to emotions but not to materialism….

        Liked by 1 person

      5. Yes, it feel artificial and sneaky. Like I’m trying to sell myself or my skills to someone. I just want my abilities to speak for themselves.

        Liked by 1 person

      6. Yes, Exactly. I’ve been struggling with this a lot and it conflicts with the financial situations and family pressure which imbalances my life!


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