Lingering

Hope holds me back from
making hard decisions
how long have I spent
hesitating on the threshold
of houses that were not my home

Just before my jaws close on
the final bitter bite of despair
"what if" makes me wonder
if I should put off taking that pill
for just one more day

It feels so much better
to convince myself that
this hopeless situation
is somehow salvageable
never sure enough to give up

Leaving my regrets
for the universe to decide
throwing my hands up
and hoping the next step
will be made for me in time

Soul setting out on a sailboat
praying for fair winds but
too afraid to pick up the paddles
patiently waiting at my feet
unable to acknowledge that burden

This life is mine to direct
a responsibility I cannot resign
doing nothing is also a choice
lingering in salt water is not
the same as searching for the shore

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