Oath of Silence

A silent prayer for quiet
is drown out by detestable drivel
this out of body experience of being unable
to stop myself from speaking is unbearable

Double voice of internal tongue-lashing
while arrogant assertions and petty comments
continue to spill from cracking, spiteful lips
in the moment it doesn't feel like a choice

Conversations contaminated with dread
presenting myself as someone I don't want to be
the sickening shame of perpetually poisoning
others' perceptions of me

The reoccurring oath of silence never seems to matter
when my mouth falls open again against my will
how have I still not learned how to bite my tongue
or simply speak in line with my true intention?