I Want To Do Everything, and Nothing

Maybe I should figure out how to make a five year plan and do it. Every time I start to get excited about any idea or goal, I immediately become overwhelmed by all of the dozens (maybe even hundreds?) of other things that I want to pursue in life. I don’t know how anyone is able to keep things organized in their brains enough to accomplish anything at all. There are just so many completely unrelated directions I want my life to go in. I don’t have even half the time for all of the hobbies and skills I’d like to devote myself to. None of them seems more important or “right” than another, so it’s also impossible to settle on just one and go for it.

I’ll get an initial burst of motivation and excitement to do “something” but then just spend days ruminating on which “something” I should pick. Eventually I’ve exhausted myself just trying to choose and getting upset that I can’t do it all, and I end up doing nothing. I wish I could at the very least let myself be content just existing if that’s all I’ll realistically ever be able to do. I’m tired of feeling so disappointed in myself for wasting all the potential I feel I could have if I could just focus. The only thing I do seem able to focus on consistently is all of my flaws and shortcomings. My brain is just such a tangled mess and it’s strangling all the life out of me constantly. I’m so tired.

7 thoughts on “I Want To Do Everything, and Nothing

  1. Hey Rachel πŸ™‚

    Well, I guess you’re kinda growing on me! πŸ˜›

    “I’m so tired…” (The Beatles, John Lennon mostly, I guess) The same album (“White Album”) also has some other favorites from the later years — e.g. “Happiness is a warm gun” and “Yer blues” (I think), which was also featured in some movie (I think “Rock’n’roll circus” or something like that … oh, yea “dirty mac” was the name of the group?)

    And part 1 (where you “wanna hear & see everything” — haha, a line from Jimi Hendrix’s “Up from the skies”) … kind of reminds me of stories I’ve heard & read about Buddhism (I like the intro chapter by Mark Manson in “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck”).

    “Nothing is what I want” — according to Frank Zappa (“Dummy up”), that’s a “true Zen” saying. πŸ˜‰

    πŸ™‚ Norbert

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m going through the exact same thing right now. I can feel and sense your frustration here in your words. And maybe you might be feeling a deep sense of sadness about it like I have lately. It’s so tiring being in that current of uncertainty and not knowing where to go. I feel it and I understand it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s comforting to know I’m not alone in this awful feeling. Although, I’m sorry to hear you’re struggling too. It’s very hard to have so many interests and know that you cannot indulge them all. ):

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It really is, it’s very hard indeed. I know for me personally it leaves me in a freeze state a lot of times. It’s like I just shut down when it gets too overwhelming for me. But no matter how tough it feels in the moment, I have the confidence that you and I both will figure this out. We at least have the stability of having that curious blood within us. There is such much beauty and tranquility to found in the chaos of striving to be so ambitious and so successful. Especially when it comes to helping ourselves. and others with something we’re so passionate about. Even if it’s many things at once, I think we will find some way to figure it out. And as long we don’t give up, we will eventually find that right path.

        I truly thank you for caring in return that I’m struggling too. That means a lot to me! Keep sharing your beauty with the world! Know that I’m listening. ❀️

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Yes, we’ll definitely figure it out. And if not, I think that’s okay too. We’re already extremely fortunate to be in the position to have these types of existential problems. Life is good. And I’ve gotta remind myself that it’s supposed to be challenging to help us grow. 🌱😊

        Liked by 1 person

      3. YES! So true! And so on point! I couldn’t agree more with you! I hope your day is filled with so much love and joy in this moment. β€οΈπŸ’–πŸŒΉπŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

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