Terminally Yours

Missing you is a chronic illness
an ongoing inflammation of the heart
it comes and goes in sudden flareups
then subsides back into remission

Regular checkups have become routine
monitoring my emotion for warning signs
self screening for the sharp pain of longing
trying to stay mindful when it overtakes me

Some days it feels like I'm finally better
probing into those tender places doesn't hurt at all
but then for some reason I start to ache again
and all the stiches inside my heart are unsown

An ocean of grief opens up inside me
bright, blood-red waters fill my lungs
with the violent crashing waves
of all that once was

This condition of loving you cannot be cured
I think I'll always carry it with me
I think I like the days with pain
they make me feel close to you again

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