Wedding Bells

Little girls and young women depicted in movies and TV shows always seem to be planning and romanticizing the day that they will marry their true love. Personally, I’ve never seen this. Weddings were not something that my friends and I ever even mentioned growing up. Maybe they were secretly daydreaming about them, but I certainly never was. I spent most of my life being pretty indifferent to the idea of marriage. It was just something you did. I felt the same way about having children. I never had a longing or desire to have children, but when I was younger it didn’t seem like it was a choice. I assumed I’d have children one day because, once again, that’s just what people did.

As I got older and realized that I was free to craft my own unique life as an adult, I immediately dropped both of those traditional milestones. It was actually quite a relief to realize that I didn’t have to have children if I didn’t want to. Marriage was a bit more complicated though. While I didn’t fantasize about my wedding, I was constantly preoccupied with the thought of finding a loving partner to share my life with. Whether or not we got married didn’t matter. However, once I broke free of the indoctrination of religion, the word marriage left a sour taste in my mouth. It conjured images of a bully of a God, forcing my hand, demanding my life follow a certain order, fit a certain mold. Weddings, in my mind, were inextricably woven together with Christianity. Therefore, I wanted no part of either one. Not getting married became an act of rebellion and defiance that I took pride in.

Now that my passionate disgust with religion has largely subsided, the idea of marriage has once again presented itself to me for consideration. My boyfriend, surprisingly, seems much more intent on being married someday than I ever was. He was even engaged before his ex imploded the relationship. Even though we’ve only been dating for a few months, he’s already brought up song ideas for the first dance at our wedding. In the past, this would have sent me running for the hills. He’s already talking about getting married? Yikes. Strangely, with him, it just fills me with tender feelings and eager anticipation. I would actually love to marry him, if only to make him happy.

I haven’t mentioned any of this to him, mostly because I don’t want him to get too excited and go out and buy a ring. (Which I think he very well might, if he knew it wouldn’t scare me away.) But I have been indulging myself with silly daydreams about our wedding day. I’ve been wanting to explore my inner world and exercise my creativity by allowing myself to daydream more often. This seemed like the perfect, if not cliche, subject to start with. I’ve been having such a fun time looking at pictures of rings I might like. I thought today it might also be fun to collect some pictures of other aspects I’d like to include in my imaginary wedding.

For rings, I’ve always wanted something with rose gold. I also love the ones that fit together with the wedding band as a set, like my mother’s.

I like the look of vintage/boho wedding dresses:

I’d love a messy, braided updo for my hair:

That’s about as far as I’ve gotten. But I’ve been having such a fun time playing around with the idea in my head. Personally, I still don’t care whether or not I ever get married, but it’s still nice to pretend. Plus I’d like to have some ideas in mind, in the event that I do get to make my sweet boyfriend happy with a wedding. Let me know what you think of my selections. Also did you daydream about weddings and marriage as a kid? Did your ideas about marriage change as you got older? I’d love to know what your thoughts on this subject are.

What a Beautiful Life

It has been such a very long time since I’ve had a time as wonderful as I did yesterday. My boyfriend is too good to be true. My stomach still fills with butterflies whenever I get to call him that. I couldn’t be more grateful to have him in my life. I honestly forgot it was possible to feel this way. I rediscovered a lot of feelings that I had nearly forgotten were possible thanks to him. I still can’t believe how beautiful and alive he’s made my life feel recently. I honestly don’t even know what I’m writing about today. It feels reminiscent of the gushing lovesick diary entries I would write as a preteen. I can’t remember the last time I felt this happy.

Just a few months ago I was fairly certain that I would never find someone else I wanted to share my life with. It seemed like an impossibility at this point in my life. I was becoming too set in my ways, too particular, too picky. I knew it would take someone extremely special for me to divert off of the path of solitude I was beginning to grow quite comfortable with. Never could I have imagined that I’d meet someone so fucking incredible, though. To think we may have never met if I hadn’t messaged him by accident, thinking he might be someone else I met a long time ago. Thank goodness I ended up being wrong. He is far better than that person could have ever been.

I truly feel like we couldn’t be more perfect for one another. We’re both vegan. We’re both extremely progressive politically. We’re both atheists. We both love to read. We both love the same obscure bands. We both love to exercise and be healthy. Plus he’s also just an absolute dreamboat in a lot of other ways. I love his sense of style, his haircut, his tattoos. He’s intelligent and funny with a vocabulary large enough that I don’t have to dumb down the way I speak around him. He’s kind and gentle and considerate. I could go on and on, but I’m sure you get the idea by now.

Not only is he all of those amazing things, but he’s also probably someone I’d consider not only my equal, but better than me in a lot of ways. He fills me with passion and inspiration to improve myself and grow alongside him. I’m not sure if I’ve ever felt that way about someone before now. In the beginning I had a lot of doubt about us being able to make this relationship work long distance once he moves for his new job, but now I’m not worried in the least. There is no length I wouldn’t go to be with him. I actually think I may already be in love. I was initially quite concerned about being expected to drive for five hours to go see him every now and then, but now that distance is meaningless to me. I would drive even farther if I had to.

I just had to set aside some time today to really flesh out just how grateful I am for the ways things have fallen into place. I want this insanely fortunate, yet unlikely set of circumstances to serve as a reminder of just how beautiful this life is. Let it be a reminder that I have no need to fear the future or the unknown. The universe will always guide me in the right direction. All of the pain and tears and laughter and growth I’ve experienced up until now have all been necessary steps to bring me to this very moment. I know things won’t always stay this blissfully happy, but I want to remember times like these forever. It’s okay to trust. It’s okay to surrender to the grand mysterious flow of this universe. Our sweet Earth mother provides me with everything I need. My life is full of love and abundance. I am so so grateful.

Photo by Natasha Fernandez on Pexels.com

What A Beautiful Life

The last few days I’ve been watching a lot of videos about what life was like in the Victorian Era. While the things I’m learning are extremely interesting, they are also quite horrifying. I discovered just how unsafe it was to be alive during that time period, let alone all of the rest of human history. People would meet their death doing things as simple as taking a bath, eating food from the market, having a bathroom installed in their home, having colorful wallpaper, etc. It seems as though there were unlimited dangers all around that weren’t yet fully understood or identified.

It’s very interesting to me how I am able to simultaneously marvel at human achievements throughout history and also be dumbstruck at our sheer recklessness and stupidity. On both fronts it seems incredible that we have managed to make it this far. It really puts a lot of things into perspective for me. Generally I have expected a lot out of the human race. Perhaps that’s because when we’re young we are surrounded with the idea that humans are the pinnacle of evolution, fabulous, unique, God-like beings. At least that’s the impression I seemed to get about what most humans thought of our species. Yet in every waking moment, I seemed to be confronted with human limitation and outrageous foolishness. It would be a constant source of frustration. People never seemed to live up to the standards I had set for them. Not even I was able to meet those standards.

History used to be one of my favorite subjects. But as we learned more and more it seemed like the only things that mattered in recorded history were wars and politics. These things are certainly interesting, but there is so much more to history that I would have rather explored. Learning about society and the way other generations lived awakens a fierce gratitude within me for the luxuries of the time period that we live in. So many simple conveniences that we take for granted were not so long ago unimaginable. I’ve been reflecting on the amazing benefits we now have such as electricity, running water, plumbing, cars, medicine, technology, the internet, the list could go on and on. Most of us tend to use these conveniences everyday without thinking twice about them.

As you know I spend a lot of time worrying about the end of the world. The end seems more and more inevitable each and every day. However, learning about the history of humanity, makes me less concerned about it for some reason. I’m left just feeling grateful that we made it this far. It seems like each moment is an incredible gift. It seems selfish and ungrateful to complain that I won’t get more. In my twenty seven years of life I have already had more pleasure than entire populations had in a lifetime. I’ve allowed myself to feel so cheated that I may not get to live out my life and die of old age as it feels I was promised as a young child. However, when I think about it, I was never even guaranteed the time I’ve already had. Had I lived in any other time period, or even in a different part of the world today, I might have already succumbed to some horrendous illness or accident. This shift in perspective has been extremely therapeutic for me. It has made me feel lighter and reflect on my good fortune.

From now on I plan to work on being grateful for each moment I am given. However much life I have left on this earth will be more than enough. How absurd it now seems to complain when I have so much. Gratitude is truly the cure for so many psychological woes. Perhaps there is no better or more powerful feeling. Even love itself is a form of gratitude. And I really do love this life. I love the many beings I have been lucky enough to share it with. Each day is filled with so many unbelievable blessings. Nice clothing and bed linens, a safe, warm home, a cup of coffee, a hot shower, fresh fruits and vegetables, clean water. How insane the people of the past would think us for finding anything to complain about or to be dissatisfied with. What a beautiful life.

Photo by Austin on Pexels.com

Immersed in Mother Nature

As I mentioned in my post yesterday, I went out on a day trip with my best friend for Labor Day. We went to a wondrous little spot called Raven Rocks less than an hour away from us here in Ohio. Despite it being so nearby, neither of us had been there before. We had no idea what to expect as we hadn’t heard much about it until recently either.

The entire way there was on old back roads that weaved through the forest and countryside. Even the drive there was beautiful. When we finally arrived, we pulled into the tiny parking area on the side of the one-lane gravel road that lead us there and stepped out to just a few signs and a path shrouded in the woods behind them.

According the the signs, Raven Rocks is actually private property protected by a small group of people that wanted to keep the area from being stripped for coal mining. Now they share this beautiful piece of land with anyone who cares to explore it. I was deeply moved to discover that there were still such caring people in this world looking out for our planet.

Even more surprising was what we encountered as we started out on the path. Almost immediately we were swallowed up in an immense rocky cavern hidden in the trees. My friend and I were both speechless. There is something indescribable about witnessing natural structures like that. It makes you feel so small, but in a safe way.

On that hot Monday afternoon, the cool air emanating from the smooth rock surfaces was enchanting. There were hardly any other people enjoying the park that day, so were we even lucky enough to explore for a while in utter silence.

Days like yesterday remind me why I am so grateful to be alive and a part of this beautiful earth. Time with mother nature truly is the best therapy out there. I feel so refreshed even now as I sit here typing. My mind has been clearer and my heart has been lighter since then.

Thank you sweet Goddess, my green Mother, for always being there for me.

“God Bless the Daylight, the Sugary Smell of Springtime”

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I am truly grateful for days like this. My puppies and I went on a refreshing springtime adventure in the forest behind my house and found this beautiful oasis. Nature has so many breathtaking sights for us to behold. ❤