The Morning After

Head underwater
heavy lungs
hard to breathe
swimming through thoughts
the thick molasses of memory

Two days sacrificed
at the altar of alcohol
the temptation 
to drink poison
is quite telling

Dense, dizzy fog
cannot be shaken off
I'm getting too old
to keep making 
these same mistakes

Why can't I stop
tripping forward
into failure?
my higher self
can't hold me back

There is a strange sickness
somewhere inside me
that sours everything
a stench of burnt sugar
saturates my cells

No swift violence
can fully cut it out
crisscrossed incisions
carved into soft flesh
were never worthwhile

Stop this ceaseless spinning
the sickening swirl that swells
and consumes common sense
save me from the inevitable
cascading crash of myself 


I've lost another holiday
to heavy drinking
a blank void where
memories should be
left to fill up with regret

Waking up to one eyelash
a bruised, aching foot
dozens of unanswered texts
and a body that feels
like it's full of static

Fighting the urge to vomit
as I sip an unsatisfying coffee
wondering how badly
I embarrassed myself
in front of my family

It must have been bad
because my mom insisted
on following me home
tried to convince me
not to drive a few blocks

I feel slimy with shame
as it seeps from my pores
the hopeless desperation
to undo what cannot
be undone