The Great Outdoors

I have always lived out in the country. At my childhood home, my parents had four acres of land lined with dense woods. Although most of the woodland area didn’t belong to us, we would always wander down through the trees to the charming stream at the bottom of the steep valley. This was one of my favorite activities when I was growing up. As I got older I would explore further and further down the stream in both directions. I have many stories of adventures in those woods with my friends, my family, my dogs, or even just by myself. I treasure the time I spent there and don’t plan on selling that house or the land even once my parents pass.

Even when I moved out to an apartment while attending college, there were plenty of gorgeous deep woods for us to explore right off campus and right outside our apartment complex. My college was nestled high in the hills of West Virginia, only visible after a long drive on winding back roads. It was almost like a small village hidden in the trees. Even now I only live a short walk from the river and can wander up into the trees right behind my house whenever I want to. I’ve always had the advantage of having nature right in my backyard.

The other day at work, we were talking with a girl who was originally from a big city. She was exasperated by the lack of people and places to go in our area. She even complained that she missed looking outside and seeing houses and buildings. Now when she looked outside she would just see cows. I said it at the time and I’ll say it again, who would rather look at buildings than cows?! Its baffling to me that some people would actually prefer living in a crowded city. To me that has always seemed like a nightmare.

It’s strange to think that most people actually live in cities now. Each year humanity becomes more and more separated from the Earth. I find that terribly sad. To think that some people have lived their whole lives within the confines of New York City for instance. Even Central Park or other state parks in more populated areas don’t do the true majesty of nature justice. While I was in awe at the unique, natural landscapes in Hocking Hills State Park when I was there, it was still somewhat spoiled by the sheer number of other people there, making that serene, calming environment noisy and crowded. There is a special magic that can only be found alone in the silence of nature. It breaks my heart to think that so many people will never experience that. There are even plenty of people that have no desire to.

I believe that humanity has lost something crucial to our survival when we severed our ties with the natural world. For so many centuries we viewed the harsh conditions of the outdoors as our enemy, not realizing that it was also an essential part of us. Not realizing that it has the potential to heal as well as harm us. That we need its nourishing energy to be happy and healthy and fully alive. We have all come from the earth and whether we want to accept it or not, we are still a part of the earth.

I know a lot of people that have hopeful fantasies about humanity living in space or on Mars one day. This has always seemed like an impossible, as well as idiotic plan to me. Humans think space will save us once this planet has been utterly killed. Yet no one seems to realize what life separated from our Earth mother might really be like. I imagine life in space to be absolutely desolate and devoid of all of the things I love about being alive. I truly would not want to live if it meant being apart from the Earth. That would be no life at all to me.

And sadly that life apart is something so many humans already seem to be living, oblivious to the majesty of life that they are missing out on. Even people living in smaller towns with a grassy patch of backyard to themselves, can’t comprehend the meaningful time I have been able to spend in nature all my life. Sitting by a single tree behind a fence as neighbors drive by or mow their lawns cannot compare to being fully immersed in the deep, green forest, or all alone on the bank of a great river. The former is a sad substitute for the latter.

I believe it is because so many of us have spent our lives separated from nature that we have so easily been able to continue destroying every piece of it. So many people see this as necessary development, as “progress.” They don’t realize that what humanity builds, while impressive and amazing at times, can never compare to what nature has already provided for us. When so many people have lived their whole lives away from the natural world, it’s no wonder they are unable to grasp the importance of it.

I don’t know that there is any way to help so much of humanity realize what they have been missing out on. Like many things lately, it seems like a lost cause. However, contemplating all of these other lives I could have led, makes me so grateful for the life I have. It has truly been a blessing to grow up and experience this little sliver of existence the way I have been able to. To be accustomed to only the sounds of bird calls, rustling leaves, and running water outside my windows my entire life. To have spent so many days barefoot, with the warm soil between my toes, walking through the shallow water of a clear stream. Collecting enough wild berries at the edge of my yard with my grandmother and sister to make a pie. Always having plenty of space to garden or simply bask in the sun. To have always had loyal, loving, innocent animals at my side. To be able to gaze at a sky full of stars each night I have been alive. I would not trade this life of mine for anything.

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Seaspiracy

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There is a new documentary on Netflix that you need to watch. From the same people that made Cowspiracy, Seaspiracy is a similar film about the devastation that humanity is currently inflicting upon the world’s oceans and sea life. While I thought I already knew the extent to which we are decimating our ocean ecosystems through fishing and various forms of pollution, sadly it is even more dire than I thought.

One of the things I find most alarming is that these plummeting numbers of fish populations seems to have only really started to accelerate within the past 50 years or so. Yet across the board, 90% of the life we have been tracking in the oceans since then are now gone. Everyone always shows so much concern for endangered species, but it has come to the point were all life in the ocean is critically endangered. And once these beings are completely gone from our planet, we won’t be able to survive here any longer either.

Ecosystems are very complex and fragile things. I am in disbelief that we have even been able to cause this mass scale destruction for so long with as few consequences as we have. However, our carelessness, stupidity, and greed are finally coming to a head. After watching Seaspiracy, I feel as though life on earth as we now know it could end at any moment. If I wasn’t already certain that I would see the end of the world in my lifetime, I am after watching this documentary. Frankly, I don’t see how we aren’t already dead. I guess once that tipping point comes (and it’s coming very, very soon) it will be a RAPID decline into oblivion.

I really don’t know how to take all of this new information about the world’s impending demise. I’m afraid. I’m really afraid. While I am certain the end is coming, the logistics of what exactly will occur seem unimaginable. I just hope that it will be quick, but I highly doubt that will be possible. It seems inevitable that there will be chaos and mass panic before the end. That is one of the things I fear the most.

It makes me feel sick and almost dizzy to know that right now, as I’m writing this, these unbelievably detrimental fishing practices are still going on all around the world. Hundreds of thousands if not millions of fish are being slaughtered at this very moment. And most of them not even for food (as if that would be a justification anyway), but as by-catch. These are the fish, sea turtles, sea birds, etc. that are caught “accidentally” by fishing nets. These poor animals are tossed right back into the ocean like garbage, dead and discarded. Every minute is an absolute massacre. The thought is simply too much to bear.

One of the saddest parts of this documentary was the “hopeful” ending. There were inspiring words about how we can still save ourselves and the planet, how there is still time to change. I just don’t know how anyone that knows and understands this information can truly believe that. We have already nearly obliterated the ocean’s ecosystems. I’m not confident that even if everyone stopped fishing this minute and a piece of plastic was never put into the ocean again that we would be able to come back from the damage that we have already caused. Perhaps we would just slow our descent towards our dooms.

Still I am going to keep doing what I can, living by example, and urgently spreading this information to everyone that will listen. Even though I believe it’s already hopeless, there is nothing else I can do, and maybe (hopefully) I’m wrong and we can still salvage some life on this planet. Other than that, I am just going to try to be grateful for each and every moment that I have on this beautiful earth. I am going to keep my loved ones close and make sure they know how much they mean to me. I am going to try to enjoy and make the most of whatever time we’ve got left.

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Doomsday Preppers

This may seem funny to a lot of people, but I genuinely respect the people that are currently stockpiling food, water, ammunition, etc. and otherwise preparing for the end of the world. There have always been people like this, and I can see why in the past it may have seemed crazy. But looking at the world in 2021, I don’t see why anyone is still expecting everything to turn out okay and continue on as normal indefinitely into the future. There is just no rational or logical reason to think that.

All of the science points towards an inevitable societal and environmental collapse happening within our lifetime. It is no longer just something for our children or grandchildren to worry about. We are going to experience catastrophic changes within a matter of decades. That may still seem like a lot of time to right our course to some people, but even if that was enough time (it isn’t) the fact is that we haven’t even started trying to change in any meaningful way. I fully expect to witness the end of the world, if not entirely then at least as we now know it.

This is something I’ve mentioned in passing in a few of my other posts. However, in those posts I was focusing more on the mental and emotional impact of feeling this way. The frustration and pain of not being believed or taken seriously by the majority of the population. That is its own separate issue. Today I wanted to focus on my personal inner conflict with where to go from here having accepting these things to be true.

I can understand to a certain extent why hardly anyone seems to accept this ultimate outcome for the planet and human life specifically. It is hard to deal with. It is scary. It leaves you feeling empty and hopeless a lot of the time. But I’ve never had the luxury of being able to avoid the hard facts of an issue. That’s part of the reason I became vegan even though it certainly would have been easier to keep my head in the sand. I just can’t deny reality the way a lot of people can. I don’t have those same defense mechanisms when it comes to avoiding the ugly truth. Maybe it would be better if I did. Maybe I’d be happier that way.

My problem isn’t whether or not to believe these things, it’s what to do with this overwhelming, devastating information. For a while I thought I might be able to influence change, to shift humanity into living in a way that would prevent this doomsday from happening. I pretty quickly realized that wasn’t going to happen. We simply don’t have enough time to break through the strong illusions of the human race, the greed, the selfishness, the idiocy quite frankly. Now I’ve switched over to contemplating how to mitigate these coming disasters for myself personally. How can I ensure my family and I suffer as minimally as possible?

I genuinely want to use however long I have left in peaceful, stable times to start preparing. My mind often drifts to strategies of stockpiling food and water, teaching myself basic first aid, studying the local plants, learning what can be eaten or used for medicine, how to purify water, how to start a fire, how to effectively grow crops, etc. The only reason that I haven’t actually started any of these endeavors is because the thought of why I need to is too painful. While all of these activities interest me and even seem fun to a certain extent, the underlying reason for them causes me too much grief for me to think about it for very long. Not to mention the anxiety I feel when I realize just how much I’ll need to learn. Part of me wonders if my time is better spent in a blissful state of self-induced ignorance. If I’d be happier overall spending these days trying to enjoy a normal life for as long as I’m able to. Rather than struggling now in order to make my future struggle somewhat easier.

After the events of this past year, these heavy thoughts have been weighing on my mind even more than usual. I think I’m finally ready to start gathering my resources. The amount I’d need to learn and do is overwhelming, but nevertheless I have to try. I’m going to do my best to have fun with it, to make a game out of it. To try to focus on the moment and the actions as I’m doing them rather than the reason behind those actions and the dismal, frightening, unpredictable future ahead.

This summer I am going to begin by stockpiling knowledge. I’m going to gather up books on all of these topics. I’m going to start trying to identify and memorize different useful plants in my area. I’m going to devote myself to my gardening. I’m going to buy some type of water filtration device. I’m going to teach myself basic survival skills. I may even buy a gun and spend some time doing target practice with my uncle. I no longer mind if anyone thinks this is funny or that I’m crazy for believing what I believe. My only hope is that by expressing these thoughts and feelings, others may be moved by my certainty and resolve. Many people in my life believe that I am extremely intelligent. I hope that eventually some of them may trust that intelligence enough to follow me, to listen to me, even if what I say is hard to hear.

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Ishmael

ISHMAEL An Adventure of the Mind and Spirit (Daniel Quinn) book | |  Modaville

A friend at work told me about a book called Ishmael by Daniel Quinn a while ago, and I’ve just gotten around to reading it finally. I honestly wish I had done it sooner. This has got to be one of the best things that I have read. It is comparable, in my opinion, with A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. I recommend them both highly.

Ishmael is the name of a gorilla. He is highly intelligent and is able to communicate with certain human beings. The majority of the 160 page book is a conversation, or perhaps a lesson would be a more accurate description, between Ishmael and a human he has taken on as his student.

This lesson is all about the idea of human exceptionalism and how it is quickly leading us to our own demise, along with the demise of the rest of the planet. While this book is technically a fictional story, I view it as almost a philosophy book. One that is written in a much more digestible and enjoying way than most. While the main points of the story are things I have believed for basically my entire life, there were still tons of fascinating perspectives and explanations of how things came to be the way they are now.

I won’t give any spoilers or go into too much detail about what is said in the book. However, if you’re at all curious, I encourage you to check it out. It is a very quick read, full of so many enthralling, profound ideas. I’ll leave a link to the free PDF I found of it online.

After finishing the book this morning, I am eager to read more from Daniel Quinn. Let me know if you’ve read this book or any of his other work. It isn’t often that I find a book so meaningful and important. I was so inspired and excited by it that I simply have to share it with as many people as I can. I hope that you’ll check it out and be moved to share it as well!

Reproductive Rights

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In the recent political climate, I have started to become increasingly anxious about my access to reproductive healthcare and my rights in this country as a woman in general. Despite the progress we have made in the last few decades regarding gender equality, it seems like things are beginning to slip backwards as the conservative sects and corruption in this country push back against these improvements.

While the religious right may think that women view abortions like going to the dentist, I (and I’m sure most other women) have always been terrified of the idea. However, this was always a less terrifying alternative than having a child if by some unfortunate mistake I became pregnant. Although I never wanted to have to abort a pregnancy, the knowledge that that option was there for me if I needed it was always a comfort.

In the last few months, I have seen the state governments of Ohio and West Virginia start to chip away at that right. West Virginian’s voted that the state has no obligation to make sure a woman has access to this right. Ohio recently passed their “heart-beat” abortion bill that will prevent a woman from having rights over her own body as soon as a fetus has a detectable heart-beat. This can be as early at three weeks after conception, before most women are even aware that they are pregnant.

It sickens me to see our society telling women that they don’t have autonomy, that they don’t have the right to choose what happens to their own bodies. Even worse, to say more children must be born into this world to parents that do not want them or cannot afford to care for them, while there are already so many waiting to be adopted or living out their lives in the foster care system. I didn’t plan on waiting around for a terrible fate to befall me because of my gender. I’ve never wanted to have children, so I decided it was about time to make sure that I wasn’t able to anymore.

In my wildest dreams I never thought I would be lucky enough to find a gynecologist that would be willing to sterilize a woman as young as myself, who is unmarried, with no children. I decided I may as well start asking around though. To my surprise, the gynecologist I only recently switched to last year agreed to help me!

I simply could not control the smile that spread across my face when she said that I was an adult and had the right to make decisions about my own body. “After all,” she said, “women don’t have to have children.” I could have cried with joy to know that this woman respected me and was giving me control over my own life. Better yet, she told me that my insurance would likely cover the costs of the surgery.

After reading about the simple procedure and contacting my insurance company to discover that they would cover 90% of the costs (leaving only around $400 for me), I scheduled my laparoscopic tubal ligation. The surgery took place one week before Thanksgiving. Never before had I had something to be so thankful for on that day. It was an outpatient surgery that took only around 15 minutes to complete. There were no complications and I recovered in record time, no scarring, no pain meds. After four days I was back to doing my hour-long H.I.I.T. workouts and advanced yoga practice daily.

I no longer have to poison my body with hormonal birth control pills. I don’t ever have to feel fearful after having a sexual encounter. I have never felt so joyous and free in my entire life. I hope so fervently that any other woman that wants to have this procedure done decides to ask her primary care physician or gynecologist. I hope that all doctors would be willing to respect a woman’s decision about her own body and reproductive health. I am eternally grateful to my doctor for giving me my freedom and my body back.

I wanted to share my story so that other women would know that it’s possible to make the same decision for themselves. There are so many good reasons not to have a child. I hope that other women that don’t want to have children will find reassurance in my story and know that they are not “heartless” for not wanting a baby. They don’t have to stand being belittled with the infamous “you’ll change your mind.” We are not objects to be used by men or humanity as a whole. My body is mine and mine alone.

Stay strong, sisters.