Morning Planning

One of my daily habits for the last few months has been “morning planning.” You might be asking what this means exactly. Well I had initially set up a couple questions to ask myself: What are my goals for the day? What is my affirmation or mantra? How can I show myself loving kindness today? I still believe these are good questions to help prepare us for whatever day lies ahead of us and to encourage us to set clear intentions as guides. Even so, I think I have left out a few crucial considerations when I created this morning planning ritual.

Something I’ve begun to notice is just how difficult it is to focus my mind on these questions first thing in the morning. I easily become distracted or forget to do this habit all together. I’ve also begun to catch myself going through the motions instead of being mindful with my answers each morning. I think it would be beneficial to answer these questions on paper instead of just in my mind. Forming thoughts into words and sentences always seems to help give them shape and substance. Today I’d like to share my morning planning blueprint with you for my own benefit as well as to help anyone who’d like to make their own intention or goal setting ritual by following along. I’m also going to add a couple questions that I think will make it particularly mindful.

Morning Planning 02/13/22:

1. What is my affirmation for today? (I usually use a randomly generated one from a free app.)

I am happy in my own skin and in my own circumstances.

2. What are my goals for today?

• Make soup for my lunches this week
• Call my friend
• Call my mom
• Edit the photos I took yesterday
• Gather up everything for work tomorrow

3. How can I show myself loving kindness today?

When I notice myself feeling stressed or rushed, I can remind myself that it’s okay to rest. If I find myself getting tense, I will intentionally slow down and take at least three, deep, mindful breaths with my hand over my heart. I will feel the sensation of my feet securely placed on the floor to ground myself in the present moment.

4. (Bonus Question 1) How do I want to feel today?

(Note: As I begin to ponder this question, I immediately notice a lot of resistance and feelings of unworthiness arise. My chest gets tight as my inner voice criticizes and ridicules each idea as unrealistic or impossible.)

I want to feel deep contentment today. I want to soften and rest, allowing a natural state of love and wellbeing to emerge. I want to reside in a sense of gentleness, peace, curiosity, and playfulness.

5. (Bonus Question 2) When was there a time that I felt this way before? Can I recall any details about that moment and how it felt in my body so that I can more easily return to this state today?

I can recall feeling similarly when I was in elementary/middle school on a snow day or when I stayed home sick. There was nothing I felt I had to do besides pass the day in comfort and ease. I let myself eat whatever food I liked and spent hours lying on the couch watching reruns of my favorite cartoons. My body felt warm and relaxed. My heart was open and tingled from time to time with a sensation of safety, simple joy, and innocent pleasure.

If I find myself struggling today, I will try to recall those days from my childhood and recreate the same feeling in my body. I will remind myself of the many days of my life that I spent doing nothing and how this was okay. Nothing bad is going to happen if I take the time to slow down and rest. I will remember that all of the tasks I set for myself were made with the ultimate goal of guiding myself towards health and happiness. To complete the task at the expense of my inner peace and self-compassion would defeat the purpose. My spiritual and emotional needs always come first, even if that means taking the time to stop what I’m doing and reconnect with what those needs are in that moment with an attitude of curiosity, acceptance, and non-judgement.

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Adding the question “how do you want to feel today” and giving myself the additional prompt of recalling a past experience of the desired feeling will add a new dimension to my morning planning. Often I get so caught up in my to-do lists and my thinking mind, that I forget about being present in my body. When I create a new habit for myself, I usually do it with an excited, joyful energy for the first dozen or so times. Then I fall into the trap of mindless repetition. Initially I thought the joy was coming from doing something new, but now I wonder if it also has to do with the intention behind it. In the beginning, my actions are fueled by the intention to better myself, thinking of my own happiness and wellbeing. Eventually that intention becomes buried by a sense of obligation and the goal of avoiding the hateful judgements of my own inner critic. Rather than focusing on the benefit a habit may be to myself, I begin to be motivated only by the avoidance of the emotional consequences I unconsciously implement.

Reminding ourselves how we want to feel instead of just what we want to do, is a great way to keep our true intentions in mind. Feeling good is primarily why we do anything that we do. Any habit or routine, made with all the best intentions in the beginning, can become a burden in itself if we lose the thread of why we began the practice in the first place. We must make the effort to lovingly reassess every so often to ensure that we haven’t gotten lost in thoughts and actions, and forgotten the importance of truly being with ourselves, with our emotions, and with that inner flame of undying love and joy we all possess.

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Missing the Point

I’m still rather new to the practice of setting intentions for myself. I’ve been trying to take a moment each morning to set daily intentions and then return to those intentions throughout my day in order to guide me back onto the path I want to take. Trying to set intentions so far has only really emphasized exactly how scattered I am throughout the day. It’s quite hard to focus on the energy I want to cultivate. Half the time I have completely forgotten what intention I’ve set before I even leave for work.

My experience with intention setting has still been able to serve me, albeit not in the way I thought it would. It has shown me just how often we lose sight of what really matters to us. Even though we’d all like to be kind, we can instead be very short-tempered and aggressive. Even though we’d all like to be generous, we still pass up dozens of opportunities to share our abundance each day. Even though we’d like to be closer with our family, we end up arguing over dinner instead. Even though we’d like to relax, we end up pressuring ourselves to do more.

This just goes to show why setting intentions for ourselves is so important. Rather than setting one for the entire day, at first it may be easier and more realistic to set intentions for smaller tasks. I think often we have been so pressured by society to embody goals such as productivity and progress, that we forget to ask ourselves if those goals are in alignment with what we really want for ourselves. For example, every weekend I get excited at the idea of having time to relax and unwind from a hectic work week. Yet somehow I end up being just as busy on my days off. Instead of giving myself permission to rest, I see this free time in front of me and immediately start to fill it with errands. After all, I don’t want to “waste” this time.

If you take a step back and think about it, wasting time is really a matter of perspective. What makes something a waste? Is it a waste of time to play catch with your dog instead of doing the dishes? Is it a waste to watch a movie with a friend instead of writing that essay due next week? It all depends on what you’d like to prioritize. If you want to prioritize a clean house, do the dishes. But if you’re prioritizing taking good care of your fur babies, playing with your dog is the right choice. If your schoolwork is most important to you, you’d want to take care of that right away. But if you find it more important to set aside time to bond with your friends, go ahead and watch that movie. We get to decide what the best use of our time is, not our parents, not our friends, and especially not society.

Most of the time when we do something we regret, it’s because we lost sight of what really matters to us. We say we want to be closer to our loved ones, but when we talk to them, we end up getting angry at every little thing they say, correcting them whenever we get the chance, or arguing about things that aren’t even that important to us. When emotions like anger or fear bubble up inside of us, that is a great cue to take a deep breath and try to remember our intention. What do I want to get out of this conversation? Am I trying to be right? Am I trying to be the smartest person in the room? Or am I trying to show this person I care about them and have a lighthearted chat?

I love the question: would you rather be right or happy? It’s a great model to use for whatever intention you may set for yourself. If you’re like me and you find yourself spending your only day off giving yourself more work to do, try asking: would I rather be productive today or would I rather give myself a chance to rest and recover? Usually both options are completely valid and valuable in their own unique way. It’s not about what you should be doing. It’s about what you’d like to do.

Try setting an intention for at least one small part of your day today. You might decide to set the intention to be calm and mindful on your drive home from school or work. Seems simple enough right? But notice if you still manage to become enraged when another car cuts you off or is driving too slowly. When this happens, as it likely will, gently guide yourself back to your intention. Was your goal to get home as fast as possible? Or was it to have a calm and enjoyable drive? No need to be hard on yourself for getting off track. Stay curious about your automatic reactions. Isn’t it fascinating how our minds are able to defy our best efforts? Keep practicing and it will feel even more rewarding when you notice your ability to focus become stronger and stronger.

Reframing Our Goals

I have a lot of big plans to start working on tomorrow. I’m really trying to get myself excited about these changes rather than feel overwhelmed by them. There is a thin line between eagerness and anxiety. It’s important for me to stay focused on the process rather than the end result. The process is where I’m going to be living, after all. I have to keep reminding myself that there really is no pressure. I’m only doing this for myself. I’m free to adjust and readjust as many times as I need to find the framework that best serves me moving forward. The most important part of all of this is making sure I practice loving kindness toward myself along the way.

1. Give Yourself Credit:

One of the ways I’m doing this is by taking the time to reflect on all the progress I’ve already made. I finally stopped smoking cigarettes again a few weeks ago. My inner voice wants to minimize this accomplishment by telling me things like: You shouldn’t have been smoking in the first place. You don’t deserve a pat on the back just because you stopped actively poisoning yourself. But that isn’t fair, and I know it. I deserve to feel proud of myself. It was a really difficult step for me to take. I honestly wasn’t sure if I’d be able to do it. Now not only have I switched back to vaping, but I have absolutely no desire to smoke cigarettes.

In addition to that, I’ve also managed to pull myself out of a serious eating disorder after only a year. I know that might not sound like much of an accomplishment, but just listening to other people discuss struggling with similar issues for over a decade made me really appreciate myself more. I loved myself enough even in that toxic headspace to make steps in the right direction even if it meant gaining all the weight I lost back again. This time my inner voice says: You still have an eating disorder. You’re just eating abnormally instead of not eating, binging, or purging. Now you’re still fucked up and you’re fat. But once again, that’s not a fair assessment. My eating habits may still be far from perfect, but they are definitely better. This isn’t the end of my journey. I’m even ready to start taking the next step forward.

I often find myself falling into the trap of never-ending self-improvement. I am always looking for the next thing I can do to be a better version of myself. The problem is I never take a moment to appreciate the accomplishments and victories I have along the way. I am a strong, resilient person. I’ve done so much more than I ever thought I could. What’s the point of even having these goals if I never take a step back to enjoy my progress and assess how far I’ve come?

2. Get Excited

Part of the struggle of working towards new goals is just that, viewing it as a struggle. This is where the reframing comes in. Somehow even when we are the ones setting the goals, it can feel like something we have to do rather than something we simply want to do. Keep reminding yourself of all the reasons that you want to be working toward your goals. For me, my intention is to start living in a way that is more loving and compassionate toward myself. I want to live in alignment with my ideals and treat my body and mind with the care and respect that they deserve.

Even more than the words themselves, try to get in touch with the feelings behind those words. Logic alone may be enough to help us act, but it’s the emotion that first inspired us to change that is going to keep us energized and excited about the journey. I like to visualize how good I am going to feel once I’m living in a way that is more true to my values. I’m curious to find out how my body will feel, how my mind might change. This is an adventure that I cannot wait to embark on.

3. No Pressure

Often when I set new goals, I get caught up in putting far too much pressure on myself to achieve them. Instead of visualizing how good I’m going to feel or remembering why I started in the first place, I imagine how shitty I’ll feel if I fail. This is where it’s important for me to remember that no one is there to hold me accountable except myself. There is no reason to fear failure unless I give myself a reason to. It doesn’t matter how long it takes or if I ever even get to where I’m trying to be. Would it even be worth it if I got there by being cruel and hard on myself? There is absolutely nothing wrong with getting off track or making mistakes along the way. That’s all part of learning what works best for me. I’ve just got to stay curious. Why didn’t that work? Why might that have worked better? Is there a way I can make this easier or more fun for myself? No matter the end result, I’m guaranteed to learn a lot about myself along the way. And that is its own form of success.

Setting goals for ourselves shouldn’t be this scary, daunting task. It’s fun to try new things. It’s fun to have something to work towards. It’s fun to learn about ourselves, what motivates us, what sets us off track, what makes us happy. Let your goals be a game. The best part is, as long as you’re trying, you can’t lose.