Thank You Letter to an Amazing OBGYN

Why Women Should Visit the Ob/Gyn Every Year? - 9 Important Reasons |  Trogolo Obstetrics and Gynecology – OBGYN Specialist

Dear Dr. Dudley,

It has been nearly two years now since I met with you for the last time. You may not even remember me. But since then, you have no idea how often I think about what an amazing doctor you are. I am immensely grateful to have met you and that I was able to trust you with my body and my medical care. I am also overwhelmed with gratitude that you respected me enough as an individual to honor my decision to go forward with a tubal ligation even though I am so young and have no children.

Just yesterday, a new coworker was talking about how she had to fight to get the same procedure for years, even though she was married with two kids at the time. She was still given the excuse that she was too young. Eventually her doctor agreed to do the procedure but would only consent to one particular version and didn’t allow her the autonomy to choose for herself.

After having such an amazing experience with you (the first doctor I had consulted about the procedure) I genuinely thought all the rumors I heard about doctors not allowing women to make those kinds of decisions about their own bodies were just that, rumors. I was so comforted, believing that must be a thing of the past, that society had grown to respect women more. When I heard the personal testimony of other women in my life, that comfort vanished.

My heart cries out at the injustice these medical professionals are doing to their female patients. I cannot imagine the pain of discovering your own doctor doesn’t respect you enough to let you decide what’s best for your own body and life. At the same time, hearing about other women’s experiences first hand makes me all the more thankful I was able to meet you. Words cannot express the peace and empowerment you have given to me. I will never forget it.

Since my procedure, the nightmares I once had about being pregnant, the fearful days of anticipation before starting my period, the burden of birth control side effects, all of those things have vanished completely from my life. I have never felt more at peace with my body. Although, my feelings about having children of my own has not changed, I would still prefer adoption in the event they do someday.

I thought you would be happy to know, despite not wanting my own children, I do have a new job that allows children to be a very big part of my life. I am currently working at a non-profit called Harmony House in Ohio. We are a child advocacy center, and I am the child and family advocate. My job consists primarily of explaining our process to the kids and their parents and then playing/talking with them in the waiting room while their parents meet with the other professionals.

When I met you I didn’t have much knowledge or interest in kids. Now I get to meet the most incredible, funny, smart, resilient kids every day. It is such a joy to be able to help them and offer them the understanding, respect, and love that many are not receiving at home. While parenting is not a good fit for me, child advocacy has given me the chance to still contribute to the betterment of future generations and experience the joy children bring to the world. I have also managed to find a loving partner who is completely supportive of my decision to not have children. Like me, he prefers our fur-children anyway.

I just wanted to reach out to you and say thank you from the bottom of my heart. I wanted to make sure you knew that my mind has not changed. I am still grateful every day for all that you have done for me. I hope that you are happy and doing well. I know working in healthcare has been especially difficult these last two years. You are in my thoughts and I wish you the absolute best.

Reproductive Rights

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In the recent political climate, I have started to become increasingly anxious about my access to reproductive healthcare and my rights in this country as a woman in general. Despite the progress we have made in the last few decades regarding gender equality, it seems like things are beginning to slip backwards as the conservative sects and corruption in this country push back against these improvements.

While the religious right may think that women view abortions like going to the dentist, I (and I’m sure most other women) have always been terrified of the idea. However, this was always a less terrifying alternative than having a child if by some unfortunate mistake I became pregnant. Although I never wanted to have to abort a pregnancy, the knowledge that that option was there for me if I needed it was always a comfort.

In the last few months, I have seen the state governments of Ohio and West Virginia start to chip away at that right. West Virginian’s voted that the state has no obligation to make sure a woman has access to this right. Ohio recently passed their “heart-beat” abortion bill that will prevent a woman from having rights over her own body as soon as a fetus has a detectable heart-beat. This can be as early at three weeks after conception, before most women are even aware that they are pregnant.

It sickens me to see our society telling women that they don’t have autonomy, that they don’t have the right to choose what happens to their own bodies. Even worse, to say more children must be born into this world to parents that do not want them or cannot afford to care for them, while there are already so many waiting to be adopted or living out their lives in the foster care system. I didn’t plan on waiting around for a terrible fate to befall me because of my gender. I’ve never wanted to have children, so I decided it was about time to make sure that I wasn’t able to anymore.

In my wildest dreams I never thought I would be lucky enough to find a gynecologist that would be willing to sterilize a woman as young as myself, who is unmarried, with no children. I decided I may as well start asking around though. To my surprise, the gynecologist I only recently switched to last year agreed to help me!

I simply could not control the smile that spread across my face when she said that I was an adult and had the right to make decisions about my own body. “After all,” she said, “women don’t have to have children.” I could have cried with joy to know that this woman respected me and was giving me control over my own life. Better yet, she told me that my insurance would likely cover the costs of the surgery.

After reading about the simple procedure and contacting my insurance company to discover that they would cover 90% of the costs (leaving only around $400 for me), I scheduled my laparoscopic tubal ligation. The surgery took place one week before Thanksgiving. Never before had I had something to be so thankful for on that day. It was an outpatient surgery that took only around 15 minutes to complete. There were no complications and I recovered in record time, no scarring, no pain meds. After four days I was back to doing my hour-long H.I.I.T. workouts and advanced yoga practice daily.

I no longer have to poison my body with hormonal birth control pills. I don’t ever have to feel fearful after having a sexual encounter. I have never felt so joyous and free in my entire life. I hope so fervently that any other woman that wants to have this procedure done decides to ask her primary care physician or gynecologist. I hope that all doctors would be willing to respect a woman’s decision about her own body and reproductive health. I am eternally grateful to my doctor for giving me my freedom and my body back.

I wanted to share my story so that other women would know that it’s possible to make the same decision for themselves. There are so many good reasons not to have a child. I hope that other women that don’t want to have children will find reassurance in my story and know that they are not “heartless” for not wanting a baby. They don’t have to stand being belittled with the infamous “you’ll change your mind.” We are not objects to be used by men or humanity as a whole. My body is mine and mine alone.

Stay strong, sisters.