A Letter to My Sister

Dear Sarah,

I’m not sure if I’ll actually decide to give you this letter, but I knew I had to write it either way. I just have to put these thoughts down into words. Even though our family has never been very outwardly affectionate, I have always had a deep well of admiration and love for you for as long as I can remember. We may be pretty close in age, but I’ve looked up to you my entire life. All I ever wanted was for us to be friends, and it means the world to me that we are now.

It’s hard for me to come up with the right way to phrase everything I want to tell you. I guess primarily I just want you to know that most of the aspects of my life that I am now so proud of were introduced to me by you. You are the reason that I draw. If it wasn’t for you, I may have never found an interest in that hobby. I can still remember how good you were with colors and blending even when we were still using crayons. You should see the way I show off the paintings I have of yours to everyone that comes to my house. I know you don’t even use it anymore, but I’ve shown so many people your website. I am just so proud to have such an incredibly talented sister.

Even though mom and grandma raised us, you have always been my primary role model. One of the most influential times in my life was living with you again at mom’s when you came back from Florida. I doubt you’re aware, but a lot of the “self improvement” things you brought back with you during that time shaped the course of my life in the years since then. Remember when I first started writing pages with you every morning? Even though I no longer do that exact practice, that may have been the first daily self care habit I ever had. I can trace back a lot of my beneficial daily routines to that time.

You were even the reason I started doing yoga! Doing those poses in the rec room with you all those years ago was probably the first yoga I ever did. I was so impressed when you showed me that you could plant your palms flat on the ground in a forward fold. It was the first time I realized that maybe yoga really was something regular people could become good at, not just famous internet influencers or people that had practiced it their entire lives. I would have never become a yoga teacher if it wasn’t for you opening that door for me.

Another major part of who I am today that I want to thank you for is veganism. I’m not sure I even knew what a vegan was before you. I know it took me a while to get it, but once I did you were the anchor that kept me sane in the beginning. You showed me so many delicious new options. You were pretty much the one that taught me how to cook, albeit indirectly. Your culinary skills are another thing I can’t help but brag about to everyone I know. I cannot wait to have Nick try the Gross Sandwich. I’m sure I would have struggled so much more with a vegan diet if it wasn’t for you feeding me for the first couple years.

You have so many amazing talents. I am so grateful that I have had you in my life to constantly inspire me and challenge me. I would not be half the person I am today if it weren’t for you. I just want you to know how much I love, admire, and appreciate you. And how much I always have, even when on the surface it seemed as though we didn’t like one another very much. You are an incredible, funny, intelligent, creative, and unique person.

Finally, I want you to know that even if Val and I pressure you to make more art again, the things you create aren’t what give you value. You could never touch a pen or a brush again and I would still love and respect you just as much. I’d still be just as proud to be your sister. I only want you to be happy, because you deserve to be happy. You have no idea how much it fills my heart with joy to know that you’ve found a wonderful man who loves you and can be by your side. Not only that, but the fact that he has an incredible young daughter for you to help raise. Alice is so lucky to have someone like you in her life to learn from and look up to. I guarantee you have already permanently altered the course of her life for the better. She may write you a letter like this herself one day.

With love and gratitude,

Your Sister

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Thank You Letter to an Amazing OBGYN

Why Women Should Visit the Ob/Gyn Every Year? - 9 Important Reasons |  Trogolo Obstetrics and Gynecology – OBGYN Specialist

Dear Dr. Dudley,

It has been nearly two years now since I met with you for the last time. You may not even remember me. But since then, you have no idea how often I think about what an amazing doctor you are. I am immensely grateful to have met you and that I was able to trust you with my body and my medical care. I am also overwhelmed with gratitude that you respected me enough as an individual to honor my decision to go forward with a tubal ligation even though I am so young and have no children.

Just yesterday, a new coworker was talking about how she had to fight to get the same procedure for years, even though she was married with two kids at the time. She was still given the excuse that she was too young. Eventually her doctor agreed to do the procedure but would only consent to one particular version and didn’t allow her the autonomy to choose for herself.

After having such an amazing experience with you (the first doctor I had consulted about the procedure) I genuinely thought all the rumors I heard about doctors not allowing women to make those kinds of decisions about their own bodies were just that, rumors. I was so comforted, believing that must be a thing of the past, that society had grown to respect women more. When I heard the personal testimony of other women in my life, that comfort vanished.

My heart cries out at the injustice these medical professionals are doing to their female patients. I cannot imagine the pain of discovering your own doctor doesn’t respect you enough to let you decide what’s best for your own body and life. At the same time, hearing about other women’s experiences first hand makes me all the more thankful I was able to meet you. Words cannot express the peace and empowerment you have given to me. I will never forget it.

Since my procedure, the nightmares I once had about being pregnant, the fearful days of anticipation before starting my period, the burden of birth control side effects, all of those things have vanished completely from my life. I have never felt more at peace with my body. Although, my feelings about having children of my own has not changed, I would still prefer adoption in the event they do someday.

I thought you would be happy to know, despite not wanting my own children, I do have a new job that allows children to be a very big part of my life. I am currently working at a non-profit called Harmony House in Ohio. We are a child advocacy center, and I am the child and family advocate. My job consists primarily of explaining our process to the kids and their parents and then playing/talking with them in the waiting room while their parents meet with the other professionals.

When I met you I didn’t have much knowledge or interest in kids. Now I get to meet the most incredible, funny, smart, resilient kids every day. It is such a joy to be able to help them and offer them the understanding, respect, and love that many are not receiving at home. While parenting is not a good fit for me, child advocacy has given me the chance to still contribute to the betterment of future generations and experience the joy children bring to the world. I have also managed to find a loving partner who is completely supportive of my decision to not have children. Like me, he prefers our fur-children anyway.

I just wanted to reach out to you and say thank you from the bottom of my heart. I wanted to make sure you knew that my mind has not changed. I am still grateful every day for all that you have done for me. I hope that you are happy and doing well. I know working in healthcare has been especially difficult these last two years. You are in my thoughts and I wish you the absolute best.

Letters to Past Selves (Part 1)

Teenage Rachel

Dear Rachel,

I know that life may seem like more trouble than it’s worth right now. But I promise you, in a few years you will be so glad that you stuck around to find out. You’ll probably roll your eyes at everything that I have to say, but I’m here to say it anyway. I know you worry a lot about the future. Primarily you worry about being alone. I know how many nights you cried yourself to sleep, imagining an elderly version of you wandering through a dark, empty house. I know the desperation you feel at times. Even though it doesn’t feel like it now, it will pass. You don’t have to be afraid. You may not believe it, but one day you won’t even care if you spend your life alone or not. Some days you’ll even wonder if maybe you’d prefer it that way.

I know you are experiencing a lot of confusion and strong emotions right now. I’m here to reassure you that that is normal. Unfortunately all of the annoying things the adults are always saying are actually true. “It’s just a phase.” “You’ll grow out of it.” “Teenagers.” I hope to not sound as patronizing. I know that only exacerbates your sense of isolation and being misunderstood. Please believe me. Even if no one else does, I understand you. And I hope that it can bring you some form of comfort to know that things won’t always feel so intense. I can’t promise you that life won’t always be as hard. Life is a cycle made up of many smaller cycles. You are going to find yourself suffering again and again. Life doesn’t get easier. You simply become stronger. And it is a beautiful process.

Remember all of the times that you cried and mentally went back to visit all of the other sad crying selves in the past? You held them in your arms and cried together. You thought that was an embarrassing form of self pity, but actually without realizing it you were developing your own lovely form of self-care. I am here to tell you that through all of this distance, through time and space, I am here to hold you now. It’s going to be okay.

Even though I can’t really be there to help, know that you already have all the support that you need. You have absolutely amazing friends. Be grateful for that. Cherish them, and try to hold on to them for as long as you can, especially Ally. She may get under your skin now, but she is the truest friend you’ve got. She’s your brother. Try to be nicer to her, even when you don’t understand her. I know you don’t want to hear it, but you should also be kinder to your family, particularly your mother. Right now it may seem like she’s to blame for all of the struggles you are facing, but I assure you, you’d be facing much more serious troubles were it not for her. She is an incredible woman. She has always been patient and kind to you. She certainly wasn’t perfect, but no one is. She does the best she can for you every day and that is what counts. She loves you. She loves you like no one else in the world will ever love you, unconditionally. So don’t close your heart to her just yet. Give it time and you will see.

I hope that at least some of these loving words of reassurance and advice will be able to reach you. I may not be able to take away your suffering, but know that someday you will even be grateful for these painful years. You will look back on them fondly, tenderly. You will learn so much in the years to come. You’ll even learn to love yourself more than you ever thought you could. You’ll learn how to be soft, but also strong. You’ll learn how to appreciate the little things so much that they become the big things. You’re going to be alright. You can do this. You already have.

Love,

Your Future Self

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