There was a time when the world moved slow with the rounded loveliness of hiccupping days that dripped gently into the deep, reflective pool of life When rushing into the future was a sign of ill intent not the industrious, enviable attitude of an elite individual only a madman would pass up the daily spectacle of the setting sun The wind through the reeds served its own ends and it was an honor just to be a witness to this earth as she twirled and unfurled a routine of majestic mysteries Time is the tyrant that has torn us from true living a construct of man that manifests in ceaseless obligations a slight of hand that has convinced us it is objective and concrete A clock will not tell you that this moment is eternal the liquid nature of the kaleidoscope of now if forever transforming and becoming something new The radio static of the collective mind has gotten so loud it's all but drown out the music of the present moment for us all life has become the distant background noise of greater misery But the shackles of time can still be cast off it's not too late to emerge again into snow white infinity the devil's mill that man has set in motion can also be stopped
mindfulness
The Gift of Idleness
Paradise is promised to us through painstaking productivity happiness is hanging there just past more hard work It's shameful to acknowledge exhaustion after hours toiling in the sweltering sun no one dares commit the sin of sitting down swallowed up by the fear of being labeled lazy Capitalism is cleaver if nothing else convincing us to become our own slave drivers soiling our own perceptions of what it means to savor this one and only existence Linking the concept of leisure with sloth until we never stop moving for even a second losing sight of our right to be idle and enjoy the God-given gifts of this life Standing still is an act of shocking rebellion in a social system that expects you to burn your own flesh to feed the never ending fire of the economy and sacred stock market These collective misguided morals congeal making virtue synonymous with profit for the powerful a seed of shame buried deep within the conscience of every unfortunate American child Your blood is worth only as much as the oil that it can replace in the groaning machine of industry keep making the products you will always be too poor to consume yourself Trying to make us forget that stillness has been the wellspring of all great art and invention a futile effort to make us too tired to revolt they cannot choke off my awe of the open sky
Learning to Float
Sometimes it takes simple things to help settle the restless soul despite the illusion only grand gestures could get us unstuck The stillness below the chaos is where true safety lies waiting while we keep covering ourselves with gleaming trinkets and lofty ambitions It seems silly to suppose a couple extra glasses of water could cleanse this nagging agitation simmering ceaselessly inside Impossible to imagine transformation taking shape from a few moments of mindful breathing in the evening while the mind is insisting we need more Soft bubbles of splendid space open up when we stop moving savoring the sensation of buoyancy when we finally stop swimming
Sick of Self-Care
Acts once performed with the intention of loving kindness have become just additional burdens of mindless routine every little task now resonates with resentment self-care disfigured and transmuted into self-harm Somehow I turn even healing practices into poison to punish myself for not meeting my own expectations what is there inside me that turns self-love so sour? why doesn't putting in the work work for me? Tools I was told would transform me if I was patient were twisted into weapons of perfectionism just more masochistic mutations of all the miracles I used to think would some day save me I'm so tired of this futile self-improvement project called me the pearls of ancient wisdom I've turned to soot within my fingers the internal pressure of trying to get better is the terminal illness of my inner-most essence
Manifest
Early morning cracks us open a plump, orange yolk perched upon the rolling expanse of open acres the symphony of dawn begins beneath a veil of cool, dissipating mist The earth awakens and unfurls in an instant with interwoven, simultaneous, upbeat bustling as hundreds of intricate beings of all sizes emerge to dutifully begin their humble daily tasks unwittingly weaving the world together for one another The swollen present swallows us completely enveloped in the electric energy currents of pulsating life rushing through creek beds and rustling vibrant leaves a soothing, faithful hum that echoes inside and out intoxicated by the sweet nectar of undulating harmony Each moment overflowing with the simple joy of right now lapping up the soft waters of where we belong indistinguishable elements of the intricate, lush landscape synchronizing ourselves to the cadence of all creation every instant ripe with it's own inherent meaning
Right Now
I have to remind myself how grateful I once was for everything I now take for granted when I first got this job I thought it was better than anything I could have imagined I can't forget a higher salary doesn't replace the rare human decency I've been given the days I used to long for community have been gathered dust in distant memory How elated I was at first, to have my own home with a leafy green yard on a lonely street to be able to walk to the waters that have always carried me Somehow it seems like finding ways to suffer now will spare me a future filled with pain but present pleasures cannot be postponed and stashed away for another day I won't allow fear to rob me of the moments already filled with soft comforts and simple joy the days ahead cannot diminish the delight of where I am right now
Stop Searching
The healing hum that reverberates through all the small, silent moments can become buried beneath the louder frequencies of frustration and forward motion The panicked pace of ungrounded grasping the breath that's stolen while being swept off your feet it can feel like dying to slow down, to surrender momentum in favor of savoring the soft rustling outside your window Finding peace can be counterintuitive stop flipping over rocks and just pause to feel the cool stone against your skin and hear the whispering stream gurgle past It's hard to accept that happiness is here when we've wasted so much time searching learning to laugh at ourselves like when we've been seeking the object that's been in our hand the whole time It's the simple things that will save us if we can sit with the fear that they won't be enough in the end they will
Trying to Remember
Ambition takes too much energy I'd rather just exist it feels like a fever finally breaking when I realize I can do this The American dream was supposed to mean the chance to enjoy your life not a nagging necessity to make money for companies subconsciously convincing us to strive I never asked for the social climbing goals of others to become pressed upon my spirit I have no interest in cars, mansions, or expensive clothes these things aren't happiness, they're nowhere near it Time is what we've traded for trinkets as we transmute our souls to stone missing our one chance to see the sun and all the vibrant life it has grown Wiping this incessant spell from my eyes every morning that inoculates me with discontent a centuries long mission to sever these bodies from the intuition Source has sent The perfect simplicity of existence is obscured by billboard advertisements and insidious corporate greed it takes hours of inner struggle every day to remember I already have everything I need
When Gratitude Stops Working
It has been over six years since I started practicing daily gratitude. I have journals upon journals filled with lists of things I’m grateful for. After all of this, after so much time spent training my brain to find gratitude, how can it be that I still feel like a terminally ungrateful person?
The main issue I have with a lot of mindfulness practices is the way my clever brain figures out ways to get around them after awhile. It’s ironic that most of the “mindfulness” I have incorporated into my everyday life isn’t done very mindfully at all anymore. Whether it be meditation, journaling, or mindful eating my brain seems more adept at learning to avoid the conscious effort rather than learning to be more present like I had intended.
Finding Novelty
If you can relate to this issue, you’re probably already asking, “How can we solve this problem?” While I don’t yet have a definitive answer, one thing I’ve noticed is that of all the self-care tasks I do every day, the one that never seems to get stale is my yoga practice. The only difference between yoga and my other practices is that the yoga flows I do are ever changing and evolving. I don’t practice the same poses in the same order everyday. If I did, I’m sure that would just as easily become a mindless habit like the rest. So the only advice I can give to you and to myself is: Keep changing it up.
This isn’t the perfect solution, I know. It is frustrating to constantly have to be reimagining ways to keep yourself mindful. It would be so much nicer if we could just do a few short little identical practices everyday and reap all the benefits of a more compassionate, mindful, spiritual life. I guess the old saying that nothing worth doing is easy still rings true.
I’ve found that novelty is essential to keep me mindful, even if it is aggravating to have to always search for it. Luckily, sometimes that little tweak for my practice finds me on it’s own like it did yesterday. I stumbled upon a Podcast that referenced The Book of Delights by Ross Gay. In his book, he talks about savoring little things throughout our day that “delight” us. For some reason, just this small, almost insignificant shift in perception has made a huge difference for me. It’s amazing how powerful the slightest change of framing can completely shift our perspective on something.
Replacing Gratitude with Delight
Despite sticking with my gratitude practice for so many years, I noticed almost immediately that it was not providing the mental benefits I had hoped. Sometimes it even seemed to backfire. There are a lot of days where I struggle to think of things to be grateful for. This makes me feel awful, because I know I have such an amazing life. I know I should be able to come up with dozens of things to be grateful for every day. The guilt spiral begins and I end up harming my mental health instead of helping it.
The most important part of gratitude is actually feeling it. As someone who struggles to stay grounded in my body and emotions, “grateful” is a rather vague sensation for me. There are lots of other emotions that compile this more complex feeling. It’s hard for me to just drop into a sense of gratitude on demand. However, “delight” feels a bit more tangible most days. Just the word alone makes the corners of my mouth twitch into a soft smile. Delight. Now that I can feel.
Not only am I more easily able to feel delight in my body, it also somehow feels a bit more lighthearted than gratitude. There is something very daunting and serious about being grateful. Not to mention the reverse, being ungrateful, is tied to a lot of shame. Delight, on the other hand, brings up a sense of buoyancy and silliness for some reason. Imagining being delighted makes me want to giggle and wiggle my toes in a way being grateful does not. There is a joyous, uplifting, lightness about the idea of feeling delighted. It also seems easier to pick small things in a practice about delight versus a practice about gratitude. Saying I am grateful for the way a stinkbug stopped and looked at me when I tapped the counter next to it feels strange, but to say the same scenario delighted me fits perfectly.
Putting It Into Practice
Today, instead of a gratitude list, try listing some things that delighted you. I’ll go first. Here are just a few things that brought a sense of delight into my life this morning:
- Hitting that snooze button on my alarm and snuggling back into my warm blankets with my dog for those few precious moments before getting up.
- Enjoying that first hot, black coffee.
- Feeling my house get warmer as I waited for the furnace to get going.
- Listening to music and singing as I drove to work.
- The smell of the perfectly ripe, beautiful, big apple I brought for breakfast.
Regardless of what kind of list you write, it’s helpful to be as detailed as possible. Add lots of physical descriptions, trying to incorporate as many senses into it as possible. I have to admit, I couldn’t help but smile as I wrote down my morning’s delights just now.
My favorite part about learning about this new way to practice bringing mindful moments of pleasure into your life was the idea of sharing it with others. Yesterday I asked a few other people to tell me something that delighted them about their day. It brought me just as much joy and happiness to hear about their experiences and imagine them savoring those small delights.
I hope at least some of you find this helpful. I would love to hear about any other ways you’ve found to keep a spark of novelty in your daily practices. Please, please, please leave a comment and let me know what delights you’ve had so far today!
Kundalini
Energy stirring at the base of the spine the hot embers of who I hoped to be coiled serpent left sleeping give me the tools to seduce it and draw it out of stillness Release vitality into my veins and place my heart in the hearth of purpose fluttering bird beneath my breast, take flight turn me from torturous distraction light me up with internal intention Sizzling stimulation of skin and bone the rising tide of the mighty sea inside spilling over into external existence self-sustained wheels of spinning fire propel me forward with focus Let me overcome the illusion that my energy is limited befriending the deep source settled beneath the murky water of this mysterious earthly form
