Positive Things About Long Distance

Even though it hasn’t been that long since my boyfriend moved out of the area, it’s already starting to weigh on me. It has been a few weeks since I last saw him in person. We talk every once and awhile over the phone or on FaceTime. I still feel my heart beginning to grow colder towards him though. I know that once I go visit him at the end of this month, all of those familiar, nervous, lovey-dovey feelings will come flooding back. My issue is how to get those feelings to remain when we’re apart for long periods of time. That’s why today I decided to make a list of positive things about our long distance relationship to focus on.

One: Romantic

Maybe it’s just me, but I find the whole concept of long distance relationships to be rather romantic. It makes me think about women pining over lovers in the war and soldiers writing love letters home or keeping a picture of their wives in their uniform pocket. Nate and I are already planning on writing letters back and forth to one another which I am very much looking forward to. This air of romance is exciting. Although I don’t know how long it will last.

Two: Space

Even though I miss him so much, it’s still nice to have some space from my boyfriend. I have been alone for a long time and I don’t know if I’d be ready to go full force into a new relationship after that. I have a feeling things would be moving along faster than I’m comfortable with if not for the distance separating us. I don’t want to be single anymore, but I still have a lot of personal baggage to workout before inviting someone else into my life fully. For now I’m still enjoying living on my own and having my own space.

Three: Distance Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

One of the most interesting things I remember learning about while getting my degree in psychology was a strange psychological phenomenon that happens all the time without us even realizing it in our conscious minds. I’m sure that it must have a name, but I can’t remember it at the moment, so I’ll just explain it. Apparently when we agree to do something for someone our subconscious makes a justification for it. So while doing a favor for someone might make that person like you more, it also makes you like them more. Isn’t that strange? I always assumed I’d like someone less if I was constantly having to do things for them, but apparently not. Our brains make the rationalization that if we are helping this person, it must be because we really like them. I feel like this phenomenon has a role to play in the time worn phrase: distance makes the heart grow fonder. I think that the mere act of working on a long distance relationship convinces us that we care for someone even more than we already do. The subconscious thinks, “wow, if I’m going through all of this effort, I must really be in love.” I’m hoping my theory is correct and this distance between us serves to bring our hearts closer together.

Four: Momentous Meetings

Oftentimes we begin to take our partners for granted. When we see one another every week or even every day, it begins to lose the magic it once had. We become accustomed to each other and start to lose that mystery and nervousness that make first dates so exciting. Since Nate hasn’t been able to come over for awhile, it has really made the moments we do get to talk to one another or see each other (even through a screen) that much more special. At the end of this month, I will finally be going up to see his new place and spend a few days with him. Normally seeing your boyfriend wouldn’t be a huge deal, but for me it’s going to be not only a mini road trip, but a vacation as well. I am really looking forward to having a few blissful days just soaking in each other’s company and affection.

Five: Time to Talk

It seems to me that a lot of relationships end up being built on unstable foundation. It’s always important to really take the time to get to know someone mentally and emotionally before committing to them. Physical intimacy can accidentally take the place of emotional intimacy. Then once that initial physical attraction begins to fade, partners start to realize that they were never a good match for each other in the first place. Being a very non-sexual person, this works out for me especially well. I may miss being physically close to Nate and I certainly miss spending quality time with him and going out on dates together, but I don’t have to worry about becoming sexually frustrated. I’m perfectly satisfied just having him emotionally for now. I’m hoping that we can develop an even stronger bond this way. It also helps with my self-esteem issues. I know he isn’t just using me for sex if we can’t even have sex.

Well I feel much better after brainstorming some good aspects of my long term relationship. It’s still quite difficult at times, but I am trying to stay positive overall. It’s easy to focus on the negatives in life, but we cause ourselves so much suffering when we allow ourselves to ignore the silver lining of situations. There is always a different perspective to consider.

8 Best Tips to Make a Long-Distance Relationship Work | Time

The New Year

Last year, I got blackout drunk on New Year’s Eve, slept with a random guy, which I only have vague flashes of memory about, and didn’t get home again until the afternoon. I felt sick and sad and, to be honest, it was a good harbinger of what was to come in 2020. A lot of poor decisions. A lot of regret. A lot of sickness, sadness, and anxiety. I can only hope the ways things went yesterday will be equally as prophetic.

Last night I managed to only have a few drinks. I was sober enough to drive home around 11, and I did. I didn’t embarrass myself. I didn’t sleep with anyone. I just had a lovely dinner with my friends, smoked and drank a reasonable amount, then went home to my babies and slept in my own bed. I even managed to wake up at a decent hour. Part of me was kind of sad to leave so early, before the New Year had even truly arrived. It made me feel old and unfun. But in the end, I’d take being old to being a drunken embarrassment any day of the year.

I hope that even though I’m still feeling pretty hungover this morning, that today can provide that shifted perspective that I’ve been needing. I still have this desire for today to be the first day of a new life. I always get so scared when the time finally comes to actually sit down and figure out exactly what that means though. I don’t know what I am so afraid of. I guess I’m afraid of taking a hard look at myself. I’m afraid of what I’ll see, of what I’ll have to face in order to change.

I know I can do it though. I won’t look away this time. I’ll be here for myself no matter what I find. Plus now that it’s finally January, I can call a psychologist’s office on Monday and make myself an appointment. Then I can have another person to support me in this journey as well. Hopefully they’ll have some more helpful strategies than what I’ve been able to come up with.

Even though nothing is really different this morning that yesterday morning or tomorrow morning, I still enjoy this illusion of having a fresh start. I plan to have fun with it, to make the best of it. It’s exciting, not scary. I have everything I need to start living the life I want to. All I need to do is decide what life that will be.

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