Dahmer – A Vegan’s Perspective

I’m only a few episodes in so far, but the new Jeffrey Dahmer series on Netflix is definitely worth watching. What has drawn my attention is somewhat different than what a lot of other people I’ve spoken with about the series have noticed. This discrepancy in perspective is all the more fascinating to me because of the way I am able to see how this part of the story was intended to be interpreted versus how I interpret it.

More specifically, what I am referring to is the focus on the killer’s upbringing and early childhood/adolescent experiences. There are scenes that come off to me as if the director thought it would be clever foreshadowing. In a dark way, I almost find this funny because it is so obvious to me. Ominous moments in the series depict a young Jeff Dahmer fishing with his dad, practicing taxidermy, dissecting the infamous fetal pig in biology class. It’s as if the people that produced this show want this to be insightful. As if the viewers will watch and think to themselves, “Ah, one day he’ll be doing this to HUMANS!” and shudder.

For me, this is laughable because harming and/or killing animals is a known warning sign for future serial killers. Is it really a mystery to people why that might be? Is the majority of the population truly so far removed from the grotesque brutality of animal abuse in the forms of hunting, fishing, taxidermy, experimentation, dissection, etc. that they can’t see the similarity?

It’s interesting for me to see these two things side by side in the series, knowing that for some reason there is a distinction being made. One is wrong, horrific, criminal while the other is harmless, wholesome, and a hobby. What is the difference? Both acts involve suffering, robbing another conscious being of their life and bodily autonomy, and the cold, calculating mutilation of corpses. Even Jeffrey’s cannibalism to me is no different than what most human beings participate in multiple times a day. Does the simple substitution of one species for another really change everything so completely? It doesn’t change a thing in my eyes.

I think Jeffrey Dahmer’s story is an excellent example of why we should not be teaching children or anyone for that matter that it is okay to kill animals, regardless of the reason. I really don’t think it’s that wild to imagine him making the jump from these behaviors to what he later did to his human victims. I’ve made the same connection, albeit with the reverse conclusion. He was taught it’s okay to kill animals, so he decided it was okay to kill humans. I was taught it’s not okay to kill humans, and made the connection it’s not okay to kill animals either. Killing is killing. Suffering is suffering. Violence is violence. It’s only arrogance, ego, indoctrination, and delusion that creates an arbitrary separation between the perpetration of these heinous, immoral acts against other animals versus our own species.

After ten years of living this truth, that human beings are no better than any other type of animal, I truly have a hard time fathoming how this is not obvious to everyone else. Perhaps the strangest thing is, I used to think like they do. I always loved animals, while simultaneously justifying confining, killing, and eating them. I was somehow able to hold these completely contradictory ideas in my mind without the slightest difficulty. Now I can’t make it make sense. I wish I knew how the insanity and hypocrisy of it all finally struck me. I wish I could help others to understand.

At the very least, I wish other people could understand that in the same way they are disgusted, horrified, and enraged by what Jeffrey Dahmer and other killers do, I am disgusted, horrified, and enraged by what is done to farmed animals. The only difference is that I have to share a table with five Jeffrey Dahmers at dinnertime and smile and not upset and offend them with my “radical” views. I have to shop at a grocery store stocked with what the rest of the world would equate to human body parts. I have to bite my tongue every day and be polite and “tolerant” in the face of institutionalized, industrialized, mass murder.

I just wish, if only for a moment, people could comprehend how unbearable that is. How I have to perpetually shield my mind from the horror of the truth, and how guilty and weak I feel for doing so, because it feels like I am condoning this behavior, disregarding the innocent victims, and allowing it to go on right in front of me. Just put yourself in my shoes for a moment, even if you think it’s a ridiculous comparison. It’s how I and other vegans truly feel. But what can I do? What would you do? At least Jeffrey Dahmer tried to make sure his 15 victims didn’t suffer. I can’t say the same for the billions of animals.

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Midnight Mass

If you haven’t watched the new series, Midnight Mass, on Netflix, I highly recommend that you do so. My coworkers have been recommending it to me all week, and now I’m hooked. No lie, this show is captivating as hell. There are so many layers. My favorite part is the philosophical discussions and sermons that take place in every episode.

I find this show super interesting given my history with religion. And that’s the part I really wanna dig into today. I was raised religious, Methodist to be precise. I always enjoyed religion as a child. I liked singing in church and how nice our original pastor was. I liked believing there was order to the universe and that there was some all-powerful, all-loving God watching over me, taking care of me. However, when I abandoned my religion, I did so violently. I was so angry, at my parents, at churches, at the world, at a God I no longer believed in. I felt betrayed, manipulated, lied to. In the years that followed my transition to atheism, I was quite militantly against all religion. I hoped to destroy it once and for all. I hoped someday humanity would be liberated from these toxic ideas and organizations.

As that fiery passion of youth begins to fade within me, I no longer hold a torch for atheism. I still don’t believe in God, but being atheist isn’t such an important part of my identity anymore. I could care less if other people believe or not. I don’t have any interest or energy left for fighting a futile battle against religions that have existed for far longer than I have. Also, I’m sure that even if they were to disappear tomorrow people would just find new reasons and justifications for the awful things we do to one another, new things to fear, new ways to suffer.

After allowing that rage to cool within me for a few years, I am now able to look at religion through a completely new lens, a lens of fascination. What the hell is all of this? Where did these religions come from? Why do they all say the same things at their core? What core truths may be hidden amongst the convoluted writings of ancient times? How did we come to these truths as a species? So many questions that I no longer feel a visceral repulsion toward. I no longer feel threatened or afraid. I can look at these bizarre beliefs with a calm, open heart and a curious mind, while still standing firm in my own beliefs (which I’m sure are bizarre in their own way.)

There are two important realizations that Midnight Mass has presented me with. The first is what I mentioned earlier, that all religions (even non-religions) seem to believe a lot of the same things when you cut through all of the fluff. Two characters were having a conversation about death in the show, one religious, one an atheist. I was actually brought to tears by the beauty of what each said on the subject. Ultimately both believed the same thing: Death is a union with all there is, a dissolution of the self. Death is peace and love and never being alone again. An end to all suffering. What a beautiful thought. The details may be different, but the essence, the sentiment is the same. For some reason, I was so comforted by this idea. That no matter who you are or what you believe happens after you die, the consensus seems to be that it is nothing bad, nothing to fear. (Not that any of us can really know.)

The second thing Midnight Mass emphasized to me is that you can make religious texts say anything you want them to say. *Spoiler Alert* This show absolutely stunned me by connecting the ideas in the Bible with the mythology of vampires! The stunning part was just how easily these two things were able to be aligned. Drinking blood, eternal life, resurrection, etc. Even direct quotes from the bible can easily be read in this light. I thought this was a brilliant way to show that we can interpret “the word of God” to support whatever we like. But the power of perspective and interpretation are not confined to the pages of religious texts.

We see the same types of wildly different interpretations today in the media and even with scientific research. Regardless of what you set out to prove, you will find “credible” sources to back you up. And your opponents can just as easily find sources that say the opposite. The aspects of reality that once seemed so concrete are now becoming blurred at the edges, abstract, arbitrary, subjective. It’s kind of scary, but it’s also amazing to witness. There is a level of chaos and misunderstanding in our society today that I didn’t think possible.

I’m not quite sure what the overall theme or message of this post is exactly. I suppose I just wanted to share some of what’s been on my mind lately. I am grateful and humbled by the vast changes that have taken place within my own consciousness during the last decade. What a gift it is to be freed from that burden of fear and hatred toward such a huge part of the world around me. What a joy it is to have the peace of mind to explore what was once a trigger for me. I can’t wait to keep changing and exploring and learning and growing. There is never a dull moment in the fantastical, baffling world we live in.

Tito the Anxiety Mosquito

If you haven’t watched the animated Netflix series Big Mouth, then you need to. Especially if you were a fan of BoJack Horseman. I feel that both of these shows are surprisingly profound and insightful, while also being funny and entertaining. Also the meaningful themes within both shows seem to sneak up on you and catch you with your guard down in a way that really allows them to make an emotional impact.

While Big Mouth is about the trials and tribulations of adolescence, puberty, and growing up, it is also much more than just your every day “coming of age” story. No matter what age you are (hopefully 18 or older if you’re watching this show) you will be able to relate to each character on a personal level. To me, nothing is better than having complex, dualistic characters that truly reflect what it’s like to be a real person. These characters make huge mistakes, they act selfishly, they act cruelly, but they also learn and grow, they have personal struggles that go unseen by the others around them. Ultimately they are just trying, and often failing, to be good people. Just like we all are.

The reason I wanted to write about this show today though is because of a specific new character in the latest season, Tito. In previous seasons we were introduced to Kitty Beaumont Bouchet, the personification of depression. However, in the season four, we are finally given the personification of anxiety. Tito is a nasal voiced, pathetic, buzzing mosquito. He is both portrayed on his own and in a swarm depending on the intensity of the anxiety being experienced.

I am not sure why exactly, but ever since watching this new season, I have been obsessed with and excited by this character. It is one of those things that you see and can’t believe you never thought of it yourself. Tito is the perfect physical manifestation of how anxiety feels. The voice, the behavior, the insect chosen. All of these things are so accurate. Anxiety is just as annoying and persistent as a mosquito buzzing around your head, making more and more itchy little bumps on your skin and driving you insane despite countless attempts to swat it away. From this day forward, I am definitely going to be imagining that anxious voice in my head as Tito the Anxiety Mosquito.

I think that being able to visualize these aspects of ourselves as separate entities can be so helpful. It gives us space between ourselves and our anxiety or depression. It helps us to remember that we don’t have to take it so seriously. I have been getting a laugh out of imagining Tito chomping onto my neck while apologizing nervously. It’s a welcome relief when I am feeling overwhelmed by anxious thoughts.