Churning water, rising tide tickling sensation of underwater bubbles against fine hairs and bare skin sending shivers all over subtle electric pleasure Why do sinful situations always taste so much sweeter? self denial has never come easy when confronted with such decadence caught in the riptide of liquid delight Is it so wrong to surrender to the few sweet joys I stumble upon even when they always seem to come in the form of stupid things I shouldn't do? I still can't decide myself
I never considered the things I wanted was asking too much It's not as though I wasn't willing to work very hard As children we're told that's enough that great enough efforts will inevitably succeed The more time passes the more aware I become of my error My trial was never taking on the hard work it was something worse My life is about learning to let go of what I want most all together To accept all that I've sacrificed has been worthless and wasted leading to the same result Which is utter surrender to a life that lacks everything I've yearned for since my youth Growing up has turned out to be a lesson in starving An appetite spoiled on fairytales is unable to stomach the bitter truth
There is a stillness in the night that stops all thought I often wonder if it is supposed to feel so sweet as I slip underneath existence Each morning is an agony of renewed responsibility and expectation awaking to find myself again confined behind the same searching eyes within a cumbersome prison of flesh and bone Where is it exactly that we spend half our lives? why does my soul seem more suited to the ethereal landscapes of the unconscious? why has the waking world never seemed to hold me fully in its solid hand? I've always looked forward to the night to the moment I am swallowed up by the soft oblivion behind my eyelids even a dreamless inky darkness to me seems simply scrumptious I've rarely known the torment of an agitated, incomplete night's sleep I am equally a stranger to even a moment of conscious rest and repose I'm accustomed to black and white My soul is perpetually sleepy exhausted by the constant fires lit within the waking world It wants to dissipate under deep slumber to be scattered into stardust I can only hope that I'll be greeted by this same strange pleasure as I let go once more into my ultimate end and sink beneath those familiar, dark waters for one sublime and final time
Born beneath the boiling shadow of the sun burning passion manifested in flesh and bone strength and intensity transmuted into anger the slow seeping magma of explosive impatience The eternal struggle for complete control and heavy-handed attempts to tame the self an ego fed on prized intelligence poisoned by pride and arrogance Unable to reconcile opposing elements within soul of fire extinguished inside a liquid vessel boiling the healing water of the divine feminine resisting the sacred, subtle siren's call inside Energy wasted holding back the floodgates of essential intuition from my own moon exhausted endlessly by juxtaposition masculine star that refuses to surrender Undermining the powerful energy of emotion a wordless wisdom that swells just below the surface only finding security behind a wall of fire yet left untempered, all will burn Balance is a battle of uniting two opposing forces illuminating insight as a new narrative emerges inspired to uncover their nature is complementary opposites housed in one harmonious being The worthy challenge of discovering the rhythm of effort and ease in order to fully embody consciousness' stark contrasts
Mental illness is a side-effect of great intelligence the convoluted, crippling creativity of an aimless mind consumed by endless possibilities others cannot conceive a life held suspended in anticipatory anxiety A feedback loop that becomes incapacitating a simple fear can become compounded tenfold fearing the fear, fearing the fear of the fear, and so forth spiraling into a paralysis of infinite indecision Stuck in the self-deception of finding a solution trying to think your way out of overthinking is absurd salvation lies in the surrender to sensation instead forsaking the mental landscape for the physical body What does this fear feel like? Where is it held inside? a jittering energy of dis-ease beneath my chest the dizziness that sets in from a blood pressure spike an unsettling static nestled deep in my stomach The fever of neurosis is broken by awareness how strange it seems to have survived the sensation I've been running from all of my life the cure of quiet curiosity Being present in the storm as it passes acknowledging the connection between frightening delusions and flowering imagination the balance between benefit and burden Learning to embrace the full scope of being this incredible entity with boundless potential finally finding gratitude within the fear I carry my best qualities sprout from that same seed
You can't think your way out of overthinking things just trust and let go
A coyote cuts across the foggy highway a life held inside indecision, a moment's hesitation could be a violent end of everything all at once Sulfurous air that once shrouded out the sun a sudden impact that swallowed the earth in many decades of dark, lifeless winter Time has a way of emphasizing the absurdity of right and wrong when final outcomes are impossible to predict Half the suffering I've known has been an inner upheaval of moral outrage resistance to the evils of this world My stormy turmoil subsides if only I can learn to surrender all judgement and accept my place as a humble passenger Who am I to hold dominion over the way life is supposed to unfold? I prefer the role of patient witness anyway To watch with curious eyes and an open heart ready to embrace all of life with equanimity a grateful submission to existence beyond understanding To play my small part with a soft hand extending a gentle, hopeful intention of pure love prepared to let go of any and all expectations Tender feet along the balustrade, balancing between engagement and surrender too often falling into indignation and anger The perpetual repetition of life can be tedious but it offers endless chances to keep trying precious lessons linger behind a door that is always open Every failure is an opportunity to find grace there is no permanence, perfection, or wasted effort everything is as it should be, everything is as it should be
Easy breathing, autumn air early mornings turned satisfyingly crisp the sun has softened like sleepy eyelids drooping gently in the pastel sky Time to get cozy and start lighting candles celebrating sumptuous spices and savory foods using up the squashes left over from one last harvest patient preparation of nests for the cold months ahead Another successful cycle completed observing the graceful pirouette of mother earth showering colorful leaves from her folded skirt as she spins new life into old, familiar stories Sit with me awhile and listen to the cicada chorus begin its evening song to signal the bittersweet surrender from summer a goodbye serenade to constant sunshine Learning to enjoy the subtle sadness of certain endings seeing myself in the auburn fade of fallen leaves allowing my own colors to seep out slowly to nourish the dark soil with all that I once was
Waking to the sound of rain a song of rest outside my window sanctuary of subdued sunshine a signal to soften and slow down Dewey refuge from frantic movement rejuvenation released from the sky deflating this bloated baggage of worry replaced with soothing streams of surrender Tender tones of grey and blue wrapping me in sacred stillness permission to let go and listen the soft drumbeat of water on leaves Muffled birdsongs through the mist relentless ethereal cadence of crickets full bodied accompaniment to life's chorus syncopated splashes contributed by clouds Damp doves drying in tree branches the whole world holding it's breath absorbing this gift of liquid life relinquished awe-inspiring cycle of earth's abundance Savoring the simple gifts of nature the last few decades of clean water overcome with sheer gratitude for deep exhales punctuated by raindrops
Turning around to find yourself facing the yawning, gaping mouth of the future a black hole of unknowns grabbing at you with tiny black, star-speckled hands The weight of it's gravity pulls you to your knees wide-eyed stare of uncertainty, unable to look away limitless vacuum that no light can escape not knowing, the torrent of fear in perpetual motion The mind's desperate grasp for something to hold onto feet slipping forward into far-away, formless infinities the tension of muscles trying to cling to past and present an ill fated battle against all powerful time So afraid to surrender to the inevitable destination distracted by the scent of suffering in smaller doses marveling at the mind's ability to imagine countless possibilities exhausting itself to find safety in contingencies for each one The hopeful illusion of life as a game of chess pretending there are a set of correct moves to make that will spare you from all pain and regret the pressure to perform perfectly enough to find peace
Protect the Innocent 