So Grateful

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I don’t know why, but I have felt especially grateful lately. I feel as though things are finally looking up for me, even though not much has really changed on the outside. This morning I drove nearly an hour away to teach my yoga class in a horrific blizzard. My area does a dismal job of taking care of the roads, so it ended up taking me nearly two hours to make the drive this morning. Normally I would have been insanely stressed about that, as well as angry that no one had treated the roads at all. But instead, I was able to focus on the positive more easily than I usually am. I found myself feeling grateful that I had woken up on time and left early enough to give myself plenty of time to drive as slowly as I needed to. I was grateful that I remembered to heat up my car for ten minutes before I headed out. I was grateful that I had recently gotten new tires put on my car. I was grateful that I already got gas the day before. I was grateful that my car didn’t slide or go off the road, grateful that I made it to my class unscathed, grateful that a good bit of my students still came out into such awful weather to practice with me. So much to be grateful for!

Even on my way home, when I got directed off the highway in an unfamiliar neighborhood due to some accident, I remained relatively unbothered. I was just grateful that I was not the one in an accident. Plus the detour took me past an adorable metal dinosaur sculpture in someone’s yard, that I had never had any reason to drive past before. What a treat! Now as I sit at my home, I am so grateful to be back safe and sound with my sweet fur babies. Nothing feels better than being warm and cozy inside with the heat running and a mug of hot coffee nearby as you glance out the window into the blinding brilliance of a snow-covered world.

I’m not sure why I’ve been feeling more at ease lately. I’d like to think that I have made some important spiritual progress, but I don’t know. I have been reading some beneficial books, but it’s hard to imagine they could have already had such a profound effect on me. All I know is that I have been feeling more calm, more grateful, more open. I’ve even been having happier dreams lately. Without knowing what to attribute this shift too, I am worried that it won’t last. But even so, I am going to fully embrace and enjoy it while it does.

This Gift

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When I was only a few years old, I can remember one particular instance on Christmas day very clearly. My older sister and I were gleefully opening piles of presents from my parents under the tree. It was early in the morning. My parents were in their bathrobes, gazing at us sleepily, but happily, from over their steaming cups of coffee.

As my sister begins unwrapping one gift, her face falls. In her hands she holds the board game Operation. I hear her shout angrily, “I didn’t want this!” To be fair, neither did I. We were both fairly timid and anxious children. The idea of a loud buzzer going off if you make a mistake in a game seemed quite upsetting. However, I can still feel how absolutely mortified I was by her reaction.

I think I must have been too young to really articulate my feelings at the time. I genuinely may have not been able to talk. (I have memories from far earlier on in life than most people I’ve learned.) But even being so young, I knew how terribly rude and ungrateful my sister was being. How could someone complain about a gift! Even if it is something you hate. It is still a gift. And gifts should be met with gratitude.

I think back on this memory a lot. Today it came to mind because I have been struggling with my anger once again. I have a tendency to get angry at the smallest inconveniences and keep that anger with me all day. Some days are worse than others in this regard. In order to quell that anger this morning, I meditated on the fact that this life, this entire existence, is a gift. Every moment of it.

How silly it is to let such small moments make me ungrateful for this gift. This unimaginably wonderful gift! I got to wake up this morning. I got to see the sun rise. I got to listen to music. I got to feel soft sensations against my skin. I got to snuggle and kiss my sweet fur children. I got to sip amazing coffee with pumpkin spice almond milk creamer!

It can be so easy to let our minds ruminate on the things that displease us. It can be so easy to forget to be thankful. The next time I find myself pouting about something, or getting upset, I am going to silently whisper thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you! Thank you, universe, sweet mother earth, for giving me this existence, this consciousness! How could I ever be so selfish to ask for anything more? It is perfect in every way. Because I wasn’t owed any of it. Yet all of this was given to me. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I am so grateful.

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