Unsafe

For years I've been afraid
of everything I want
I'm afraid to lose this sense of longing
I've set a place for at my table
I'm afraid it will leave me
and I'm afraid that it won't
When I face that inner voice of mine
that's all it seems to say:
I'm afraid
I'm afraid
I'm afraid
this mantra skips and repeats
etches and engraves deep marks in me
flutters nervously behind my eyelids
where can I go
when I'm afraid of every outcome
it's hard to move forward
on shaking, unsteady limbs
I've exhausted every effort
to soothe the voice that says "unsafe"
I've built up walls and barricades
I've torn them down to demonstrate
that I can be brave
but still the deep seed of fear remains
it cracks through the concrete I lay
it crawls ever upward through my veins
searching for the sun