A Poem

An understanding that cannot be uttered
a sliver of light that shines through
the black gossamer ribbon
of muddled memories and misgiving
that dangle limply from the rafters of ribcages

Fearing the failure of unfounded feelings
that gather and disperse indiscriminately
searching for some guarantee 
or at least a stronger container to prevent
the restless flapping of tattered wings

A whimsical collection of winding words
that fall worthless to the bleached wood
of the dusted, decaying floorboards
amongst fumbling feet
frantic to compile them once again

Don't be afraid of the things unspoken
the truth cannot remain hidden much longer
combustion and chaos will surely ensue
all in good time
be patient

I Always Forget

From the abstraction of atoms
I emerge again
Electrical impulses, energy
Firing between neurons 
A new expression of me
contained within a temporary form

I look down at these hands
clenched fists, white knuckles
I cling desperately to this body
that I have become
this life that surrounds me
and I have already forgotten

I always forget
That this being is not me
I am not these thoughts
I am not these hands
I am not this body
or this mind

I am the energy
that animates it
I cannot be created
or destroyed
only transformed
again and again and again

Facing this cycle for infinity
I still never fail to forget
never fail to fear
I will remember again
when these eyes close 
once more

I will awake from this dream
to become new again
to be recycled and reborn
to melt away and reappear
to lose myself in a new dream 
all over again
The Seer | Alex Grey

Equanimity

Finding the fortitude
to simply surrender
Nodding in acknowledgement 
toward all that's disconcerting
Breathing into the tight spaces
of not only our bodies
but of our minds as well

Saving space for the unknown
bowing down to the bigger picture
that we cannot yet see
humbly accepting
a limited perspective
of this life

Noting our indignation
as it arises in opposition to adversity
and asking ourselves:
What is this?
Do I really know what's best?
Can I release my opinions 
and embrace what is?

Learning that our white knuckled grip
is doing us no favors 
practicing unclenching our grasp
on the way things "should" be
the way others should act
should think
should be

Having the humility to say:
I don't know
Having enough trust to say:
And that's okay
Cultivating curiosity
in place of judgement 
Letting go
Meditation | El arte de la meditación, Diseño gráfico ilustración, Diseño  de ilustración

Holding Space

Empty spaces
are uncomfortable
we fidget and fret
to find a fast fill
consumed 
by constant consumption

Holding space
seems impossible
but we need room to breath
room to expand
room for change
room for transformation

Standing in that emptiness
is the only way forward
otherwise opportunity
will continue to pass us by
as we have no where
for it to reside

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Sublime Surrender

Breathing in
I taste the thick sweetness
of summer air
breathing out
A shimmer of satisfaction
ripples through me

Enveloped in a world
so miraculous and perfect
humbled by the chance 
to simply be
my soul sings sweetly along
with the heartbeat of existence

So much beauty to behold
the many layers of this life
an endless spiraling 
inwards and outwards
far past infinity
incomprehensible complexity

Unfurling like a flower
to the sunlight
my innermost essence
opens to encompass
the vast vibrations
of this earth

Five superpowers called senses
ten fingers, ten toes
a body that heals and grows
a brain that questions and creates
at one with all there is
but also somehow separate

How sublime it is to surrender
to the deep knowing in our bones
that stardust inside of us
that says, "all is well"
that tells us, "have faith,
and you will find all you seek" 


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Flames

enough has never been enough
the empty space inside me
cannot be filled
with food or drugs or dollars

perhaps its not simply space
but an open furnace
with an ever hungrier flame
growing brighter each day

ignorant of this element
I feed it more and more
hoping that eventually
it will be enough

but feeding that fire
makes the heat more intense
hot tongues licking bone 
burning me up inside

without constant kindling
will these flames finally flicker out
or will I be the next thing
to burn 

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Intuition

Intuition is something
that I don't have.
I'm not even sure
what it means.
What do other people see
when they look inside?

Are signposts 
there to guide them?
For me,
it's murky inside,
a hazy cloud
of question marks.

When I ask myself
I am met with only echoes
bouncing back and forth forever.
Decisions are daunting
and never confidently made.
Doubt always lingers.

I'm told to trust myself,
but you can't trust a feeling
that isn't there.
It's murky inside of me,
so can you really blame me
for being scared? 
28,813 BEST Murky Water IMAGES, STOCK PHOTOS & VECTORS | Adobe Stock

Self-portrait

Her fingers smell like cigarettes
she's waiting for the day to end
she's waiting for the inky black of sleep

She's fortunate, yet full of fear
she's stacking up the wasted days
to make a wasted year

Somehow still hoping
with that numb and heavy heart 
hoping something good is almost here

She hides away inside her head
feeding demons who promise
they'll keep the world away

But that sense of safety never stays
instead she's given lonely days
and an ever-shrinking window for change
Photo by Wendy van Zyl on Pexels.com