Unribboning ecstasy exhausted in each moment perfection encapsulated trying to bottle the bubbling effervescence of life dying of thirst and simultaneously quenched upon infinity and again a desperation to express the unexpressible, inexpressible the perfect beauty held in an instant wanting words to be enough knowing they'll never be enough simple transcendence the unending cycle the serpent finding it's own tail forever surprised forever hungry forever sated simple truths unfurling a fire, a longing to capture something so fabulously immaterial confining something that cannot be contained can perfection be expounded upon? the clang, the fear, the cacophony of uncertainty made all the more glorious as the chaotic chords collide into one perfect melody surprising the composer left speechless by serendipity the frantic energy of a hand held above the blank page
Some feelings escape expression a bone deep experience often cannot be spoken a twinge of added poignancy holds you fast in the moment Words can only come after the moment has past part of the perfection lies only in the present oh, fleeting, frenzied feeling Even memory cannot contain the depth of some moments still you hold this flat snapshot lovingly before you, inspiration to guide you forever onward You don't know if these tastes of true living will return to you or how far away they may be but you breathe only hope that they will, that they're near
I am fascinated by the way our internal dialogue effects the way we exist in this world. It’s another chicken and the egg situation. Do we create these inner narratives about ourselves because they are true or do they become true because we believe them? It’s hard to say. Perhaps at one time it was true, but since that time it has become only a limiting believe, a habit, a pattern of thinking that limits our potential for growth and change.
What are some of the default things you tend to think about yourself? Are these positive or negative thoughts? Is the voice of your self-talk gentle or cruel? How do you think that effects who you are? For me most of my beliefs and language about myself are extremely negative. It is only very rarely that I give myself any credit or positive feedback. I fixate on my perceived flaws and ignore all of the good things about myself. A few of the phrases I’ve noticed myself reciting a lot in my head are: I am so anxious. I am so tired. Why am I like this? I hate myself. I’m going to die. I want to die. Even though the latter three are said in a more exaggerated, sarcastic way (normally when I am cringing from embarrassment) they still must have an impact on my mental health and my self-image.
I would love to experiment with adding some more positive phrases into my daily self-talk. I want to get into the habit of saying things like: I am happy. I am calm. I am enough. I am excited. I love myself. I am talented. I am worthy of love. I am filled with joy. I am overflowing with energy. I am generous. I am kind. How might my life be different hearing these words of love and encouragement from myself every day instead of constant criticism? It couldn’t hurt to at least give it a try and find out. Maybe by changing my self-talk I could start to feel less anxious, less tired all the time. I think it would be even better and easier to overpower my old mental habits if I practice saying these more uplifting phrases out loud to myself instead of only in my head.
I am very interested lately in the power of vibrations. There is something so mysterious and beautiful about the way sound waves are able to affect us. Words spoken aloud have much more weight to them then when they are simply said silently in our own heads for some reason. A example of this I’ve recently started paying attention to in my own life is singing. Just listening to music is nice, but it hits you so much more powerfully when you are passionately singing along. Even simply humming a made-up tune can put me in a better mood. Why is that? I’d love to read more about it to find out. Until now I had always felt uncomfortable with the idea of chanting during meditation, but now I am definitely considering incorporating some type of chanting or mantra work into my daily practice.
One of the obstacles I encounter whenever I try to change my self-talk is doubt. Some days it can be really hard for me to feel any truth in the kind words I direct toward myself. If I am not in the right mood, it can even cause my unhelpful inner dialogue to become even louder and more viscous in an attempt to drown out the “foolish lies” I’m trying to feed myself. This makes me almost fearful of trying at times. I worry this backlash is potentially only making things worse. I have managed to overcome this occasionally by first imagining I am speaking to someone I love.
Conjuring up a mental image of a loved one is a great way to prep your mind and heart to be receptive to your new self-talk. Once your heart is feeling open and you’ve tapped into those loving feelings inside of you, it makes it easier to transfer those feelings over to yourself. If it’s hard to say “I” statements in the beginning, it can also be easier to start off by saying “you” when referencing yourself. Even though for a lot of us it may seem impossible at first to shift away from these things we’ve believed about ourselves for so long, I promise that it’s possible. It will only get easier the more we practice. And it’s definitely worth the effort.