I have a weird relationship with my father he’s like a mysterious stranger that perplexes and often enrages me but still someone that I love and also pity in an odd prickling mixture
A constant though distant presence an impenetrable mental enigma usually seeming cold and aloof but now I think he’s just autistic like I am I don’t really know him
And he definitely doesn’t know me at all which I find bizarre and sad but I don’t know if he feels that way I don’t know how he feels about anything or if he does
I like to think one day I’ll be bold enough to force a real conversation out of him but I also know that’s probably not true he’ll probably leave this world like he lived in it
a total stranger
But I’ll remember him as the man who brushed my hair before kindergarten the man who tricked me into telling him what his Christmas gift was so easily that I cried when I found out I wasn’t supposed to
I’ll remember that day we spent in the woods in the winter he and my sister I’ll remember how he carried our old dying dog back up the hill in the freezing cold and I finally saw how much he loved him
my Father Very Distinguished Looking
Like A Figure in a Wax Museum Impossible
To get to Know too Only Three Instances He Expressed
Emotions Were Quick Meltdowns When His cat of 20
Years Died, When my Son of 51 Days Died, And When His
Second of Four Marriages Ended Other than that Set
in Stone
With the
Wisest Looking
Green Eyes Just
Nothing to Really
Say in His 46 Year
Law Enforcement Career
And True After That Routine
Ended He Seemed to Have a
Brief Meltdown at Retirement too
Yet It Was Just Anxiety Filled it Seemed
For only one Instance i Observed of his life too…
Yet For the Other 99.999 Percent of His Life He
Looked Like James Bond With a Cigarette in His Hand
Never Any Sign of
Anxiety Fear or
Any Other Emotion
Yet Intense Focus on His
Interests of Work NASCAR Guns and Knives
Hehe Nah Roses and Other Flowers Weren’t HiS Way
There is Zero Doubt Both me and my Sister Inherited
Asperger’s Syndrome from Him and me Particularly
Influenced by the Bi-Polar Spectrum on my Mother’s Side
Where Strangely Enough
When i Am Not Under
Severe Stress Both
Propensities Balance
Each Other Out as i am
A Bit Hybrid Like Spock
Still Able to Soul Meld With Others
My Systemizing Mind Comes From Dear
Old Dad and my Creativity comes from my
Mother Who was an actual Published Poet
Just free
verse for
me With SMiLes
And True the Apples Don’t
Fall Far From the Trees as
my Wife Will Relate Under the
Intense Stress of Work i Was
Barely Alive and Human For Many Years
at Home
too It’s all
About Balance
This Life of Many
Colors and Shades of Grey
For Awhile There i Was Most
Definitely ‘The Cat’s in the Cradle’…
You Know What They Say…
All Cats are Autistic
Always a
Favorite of
Mine too With SMiLes…
For So Many Years Cats
Were the Only Creatures
i Could Feel A Real Part of me…
And All that would Bring me tears too
When
Lost or
Otherwise Left….
All the Ups and Downs
Make What Is Still Is With SMiLes…
Eventually i Became my Own Father
And True it Took 53 Years to Do It
If We Live Long Enough at Best We
LEarn to Become Our Own Father, Mother,
FRiEnD, Lover, And Even Child A Long Enough
What a wonderful poem ~ so many people have distance in their dad relationships, and reading this poem will make them feel both more normal and more hopeful.
Protect the Innocent 
SMiLes Dear Amethyst Lamb
my Father Very Distinguished Looking
Like A Figure in a Wax Museum Impossible
To get to Know too Only Three Instances He Expressed
Emotions Were Quick Meltdowns When His cat of 20
Years Died, When my Son of 51 Days Died, And When His
Second of Four Marriages Ended Other than that Set
in Stone
With the
Wisest Looking
Green Eyes Just
Nothing to Really
Say in His 46 Year
Law Enforcement Career
And True After That Routine
Ended He Seemed to Have a
Brief Meltdown at Retirement too
Yet It Was Just Anxiety Filled it Seemed
For only one Instance i Observed of his life too…
Yet For the Other 99.999 Percent of His Life He
Looked Like James Bond With a Cigarette in His Hand
Never Any Sign of
Anxiety Fear or
Any Other Emotion
Yet Intense Focus on His
Interests of Work NASCAR Guns and Knives
Hehe Nah Roses and Other Flowers Weren’t HiS Way
There is Zero Doubt Both me and my Sister Inherited
Asperger’s Syndrome from Him and me Particularly
Influenced by the Bi-Polar Spectrum on my Mother’s Side
Where Strangely Enough
When i Am Not Under
Severe Stress Both
Propensities Balance
Each Other Out as i am
A Bit Hybrid Like Spock
Still Able to Soul Meld With Others
My Systemizing Mind Comes From Dear
Old Dad and my Creativity comes from my
Mother Who was an actual Published Poet
Just free
verse for
me With SMiLes
And True the Apples Don’t
Fall Far From the Trees as
my Wife Will Relate Under the
Intense Stress of Work i Was
Barely Alive and Human For Many Years
at Home
too It’s all
About Balance
This Life of Many
Colors and Shades of Grey
For Awhile There i Was Most
Definitely ‘The Cat’s in the Cradle’…
You Know What They Say…
All Cats are Autistic
Always a
Favorite of
Mine too With SMiLes…
For So Many Years Cats
Were the Only Creatures
i Could Feel A Real Part of me…
And All that would Bring me tears too
When
Lost or
Otherwise Left….
All the Ups and Downs
Make What Is Still Is With SMiLes…
Eventually i Became my Own Father
And True it Took 53 Years to Do It
If We Live Long Enough at Best We
LEarn to Become Our Own Father, Mother,
FRiEnD, Lover, And Even Child A Long Enough
Life Leaves
few other choices..:)
LikeLiked by 1 person
What a wonderful poem ~ so many people have distance in their dad relationships, and reading this poem will make them feel both more normal and more hopeful.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I hope so. 😊
LikeLiked by 1 person
👍
LikeLiked by 1 person