Finite Sympathy 

When he sang
“agonies are infinite
but sympathies just aren’t
they run out”
I felt the truth
of those words
congeal in my throat

And that’s what
I’ve been needing
an endless well of sympathy
a black hole empathy
to fill and spill
myself into

But there isn’t enough
time in the world
or space on the earth
for me to fully empty
all the selfish agony
inside of me

So I swallow
my own poison
and pretend you’d care
stay alive on the illusion
of an unspoken
perfect understanding

And I guess that’s enough
for right now
it has to be

House of Cards 

A house of cards
provides no comfort
the wind will just
keep blowing

Pathetic patience
all diligent effort
ultimately ends up
pointless

Treading water
tormenting tide
the cards keep
tumbling down

What the use of
fighting with life
I’d rather just
leave it behind

A Spring with Sterile Soil 

These cold mornings
are less tolerable
with the taste of sun
still between my teeth

Waking up alone
is so much harder
when I always see you
in my dreams

I wish knowing
I deserve this
made the aching
less intense

And if not that
this burning would
turn me to ash and dust
like smoking incense

There are still
delicious moments
dispersed within this
drawn out pain

But what’s the point
of getting better
when I know I’ll never
be the same

Stay Awhile, Will You? 

I still talk about you
I have my ways
find excuses to bring up
those better days

Once you had told me
you’d bring me up too
it made me so happy
I hope it was true

I don’t know how long
residual happiness can last
can I just keep living
inside of the past

All I hope now is that
these memories remain
forever so soothing
inside of my brain

Deep Green Days 

Unfolding flora
filling the air
with fresh oxygen
vitamin D jump start
my brain and make
me live again

Reading your aura
blue and purple
soft forest floor
spongy shades of green moss
things were good and
simple back then

What I was sure of
won’t return now
still pretending
gives me something to do
tell me you feel
it too, my friend

I Wish I Could Give Up 

I wish I could silence
this strange longing
smother it softly
with strong sure hands

This constant stirring
cannot continue
I’m choking on something
that will never be

I can’t keep begging
for a love that I don’t
even believe that I
could ever deserve

And resolving to settle
for a stale illusion
is something I’m simply
not capable of apparently

Every Spread, the Same Answer 

High priestess tells me
to be patient
but the pauses are
so painful

The spread said puppy love
can’t last but
did it mean theirs
or mine?

My last ditch distraction
an unpleasant prediction
no chance it could
be gainful

Inner wisdom always whispers
“it’s not the time for action”
unto this frustrated waiting
I find myself resigned

Final Failure 

You can’t expect me
to keep trying
traumas can compound

And every failure
stokes this fire
makes me worse somehow

They say you learn
from your mistakes but
not all knowledge is power

Reinforce my 
worst convictions
more bitter by the hour

The path forward
is to forfeit
what I want the most

Suffocate all
strong desire and
just give up the ghost

Courting Control 

Self improvement
special interest
at first it feels
so fun

Cronometer
daily tracking
shedding layers
in the sun

Delicious delusion
of casual control
just don’t take
it too far

Delicate courting
of dopamine drips
the effort of balancing
on that thin bar